30

"I'm getting hungry, Give me something to Eat.
I'm getting angry, Destroy Everything.
It's such a battlefield."--Shonen Knife, "Explosion"

1/29

When was the last time there was something new on my main page? Uhh, dunno. But there is now! It's more of the Fun Facts about Canada!

This week's search requests aren't as bizarre as they've been. But still...What were these people looking for?

monty python nudge nudge wink wink transcript
tongues licking envelope glue [new frontiers in fetishes]
accidental stolen password [I'll bet someone's looking for an excuse!]
tweakie buck rogers
imo carwash group
watch japanese game show
business suit bondage

Not the funniest monkeymaniac, but it moves the plot along lah!

2/1

From Luna:

                           I hate obituaries (God, can you get any more...
                            impersonal? It's almost an insult to see a person's whole life summarized like that,
                            black & white, sentences & grammar. I'd like mine to tell the people about how I liked
                            chasing pink bubbles barefoot in summer.) & cause America just generally makes me
                            sad. I wanna move to Florence & speak Italian & listen to beautiful music & see
                            beautiful things & eat my antagonist's brain.
That was lovely. Up till the brain-eating part.

I own far more ancient video games than are healthy, as I worked for Kay Bee Toys during the closest thing there was to today's dot-com implosion, the End of Atari & Intellivision & Colecovision & Life As Gamers Knew It. I bought a thing called "Journey Escape" for $1.99. As it starred the "rock" group Journey, 1 would think it involved escaping their horrendous noise. No, you helped Journey escape from their concert by avoiding barricades & "love-starved groupies."
I wonder if somewhere an aging Journey bandmember is playing this on his dusty 2600, softly crying to himself over the fact that he no longer needs to escape groupies.
This is 1 of more well-known games looked at F*cked Games. It really doesn't spend too much time on the games, but there are ROMs & emulators so that you can actually play the decapitated fire-breathing flying ninja head game!

2/2

From the weekly email from Cap'n Wacky:

Inspired by the total apathy on the part of reader Jen
Ginopolis and the enthusiasm of reader Mara Cook at the
mention of their names in the last two Cap'n's Logs, we've
decided to institute a new feature:

**The Junior Cap'n Of the Week**
This week, it's "Bill the Splut", a longtime supporter of
capnwacky.com. Be sure to visit his site, The Inexplicable
Object of the Week.
Congratulations, Mr. Splut.

If you'd like to be a Junior Cap'n Of the Week, just send
an e-mail to gnewbrunswick@capnwacky.com telling us why.
You won't win anything, just recognition from the 208
people on this list, before they quickly delete this
message.
That's Mr THE Splut to you!
Cap'n Wacky is great, & has been a featured link on the InEx Archive page almost since the page started. I drip envy over the Gallery of Unfortunate Cards, an InEx Link more than once. Check it out if you haven't already.
I was also a Junior Tinkertoy Engineer in the late 60s.

Stolen Links Dept, or, I Read Pigdog & the null device So You Don't Have To!
This is going to be retroactively added to the Meat Recipes From the 60s Ob (Mr Jackson, the owner of Jackson's Wayside Markets, was at my dad's wake...Weird that there'd be an InEx connection even there).

Hypocritical Republican Adulterers!

Gourddamn bizarre story by Dubya's Dotter!

"I chose to revise Cinderella by changing some things about the heroine. First, I made her African American.
Secondly, I made
Chanderalla more intelligent. She didn?t just get married but she also went to college."
Given your command of the English language, she went to college the same unearned way your Daddy did.

"A Billy Corgan Christmas."

From the "How Does The World View America? Dept, via New Zealand:

Still, it could be worse. The Labour Department has correctly
found that there is "no practical use" in workplace drug testing for
marijuana impairment.
         They do that in the US, of course, where there is now serious
official consideration of inoculating children against the
pleasurable effects of - and hence the desire to use - illegal drugs.
But, then, the United States of America looks to be entering a
slightly scary space.
         The US economy is in a tailspin - Clinton, slick as ever, got
out just in time. George Bush has shown every sign that he will apply
the most ferocious stupidity to his term as President: from missile
defence to slush funds for churches.
         It is now beyond doubt that Al Gore actually won the US
presidential election. Not only did half a million more Americans
vote for him, but the Washington Post has been able to count the
disputed votes in Florida. He won there too - by around 30,000 votes.
But of course, in circumstances that amount to the corruption of
America's highest court, those votes weren't counted.
         The US press, for all its airs and graces, has largely shied
from saying so, in order to preserve the fantasy that the USA is the
world's greatest democracy. On recent it evidence it barely qualifies
as a democracy at all. Things could be worse here, they really could.

2/5

No real desire to write today, but here I am anyway.
The weather is very white today. White as in 1/8 of a mile visibility, as wet, sloppy snowflakes the size of potato chips fill the air. Kill Kill is fascinated. I'm just happy to not be driving in it, as they say it's going to be a foot's worth. So I sit at the pookie sipping Red Rose tea.

YAY! Jessica asked Ron to marry her! Since I had a major role in prying her away from her white-trash creepazoid ex & getting her together with Ron, I'm both happy for her & proud of myself.
Before my dad's wake, I tried to remember when the last time was that I wore a suit, & when would be the next. I hoped it would be for a happy occasion, & it hit me that it'd be at their wedding, not knowing that she was a week away from asking him.

Big Brother really IS watching you! And soon he'll be doing it with camera-equipped roach-sized spybots!

I didn't think that there was a Week 2 of WRATH, as there was no link on the previous week's page. I guess that's beyond the capabilities of our host, who also sent an email to the participants that didn't include the current url. It wasn't hard to figure out, but why did I have to?
Week 2 wasn't really worth reading, but 3 has some moments. I like the shift from Deathmatch to Gaslight (an old movie in which a husband tries to drive his wife insane). Actually, if I want to annoy people, I don't count backwards from a billion; I sing the chorus to Shonen Knife's Banana Chips: "Banana Chips, Banana Chips, Banana Chips, Banana Chips. Banana Chips, Banana Chips, Banana Chips--Oh Yeah!"

Latest Dumb Net Name Generator: The Sopranos Mob Name. I'm William "The Rooster," Billy "The Just," or Bill "Pants" Young.
"Pants"?? Well, it beats Bill "The Hobo Clown" Splut!

Search Enginey Stuff:

style d floyd 911 [I guess those infinite typing monkeys now have net access]
1954 burger king store pic
johnnie walker official
hot pants and cartoons
red circle no slash
inky blinky pinky clyde
why-do-we-have-fingernails [I-don't-know-why-do-you-ask]
damon hyde
picturs in world war 1 [does ANYONE ever search for picturEs?!]
magic magnets [obviously looking for www.alexchiu.com]
dawn wells sex
elephantisis [this is prly the 1st time that the words "dawn wells sex" & "elephantisis" have ever run concurrently.  I hope.]
japanese tv johnny socko
wine bag-in-a-box
alize +france +song
housefly pics
stupid canadian
anty in stockings [I have NO IDEA what this means, & DON'T WANT TO]
dead teenager roll [...and could I have that to go, please?]
2/6

That bit on monkeymaniac about the 2-day battle with my computer & Netscape is real. So here's a brief url before I go beds:
What's on Dubya's Palm? Sample: "Turkey: sandwich AND ally." The Palm itself is funny.

2/8

After the snow, but before the sleet, I went to Big Lots & bought some fish-flavored cat treats (for when KK is good) & a tack hammer (for when she's bad! haha!). They have new shelf signs, all emblazoned with the insane & bug-eyed face of Jerry Van Dyke. I was tempted to steal 1. But it's not like I wanna go to jail & tell my hulking cellmate that I was in for THAT.
Govynda says this:

big lots won't send you to jail, they'll make you stand out in front of 
their store with a giant sign that says "i stole from this store".  every 
one of the people i've ever seen do this look so depraved.  i guess you'd 
have to be to shoplift from big lots.

An outdated page of Pizza delivery horror stories.

Entertaining story about really dumb bank robbers.

Since Geocities only lists the last search engine request, it occurred to me that I may be missing some weird ones. I tried doing it tonight to see if was worth doing twice a week.
It was. Crimeny, it WAS!
It starts reasonably, then gets odd, then gets CA-REEPY!!

lore sjoberg
nordstroms coupon
beer busch natural ice
musicvidios
info and pics on the invention of the dirigible
cartoon bomb pictures
dawn wells things [hey, a new variant!]
wwii underage sailor
"  " [yes, someone searched for a blank & found me]
canadian tire humidifier furnace [sure, it does all that at once, but can it make POUTINE?]
fattest diver contest [would they sink or float?  hmm...]
pictures of gay frat houses [hey, pal, houses do NOT have sexual orientation!]
pee+stain+crotch+boy
boss fucks mommy [you have some serious sexuality issues, young man!]
vomit + erotic + ipecac [...but not as serious as THIS guy's!  I think I'M gonna puke now!]
Enjoyable Speak Out this week. 1st titles: Hanging Freshkill Not Very Nice; Cross Dressers Good People; Guinea Hens Great Watch Dogs. I also like the last 2, titled "okokokok" & repeating 2 earlier bits. "OK OK OK," said the webmaster to the boss, "I am SOOO working on the Reminder site!" [Boss moves from earshot] "NOT! Oh, yeah, HERE'S another good one!!":
"Has anyone heard about a website
called Napster 2000? It is the kind of
website that lets people steal music from
singers. People can use the website to
steal songs. Has anyone ever heard of
"starving artists". When I think of people
stealing from beautiful singers like
Jennifer Lopez and Kenny G, it just
makes me sad. These singers need you
to buy their songs at a store!"

2/11

I'm tempting fate here, as I'm in Netscape 3.0 & not hateful, hateful MSIE. NS4.7 eats up the virtual memory sometimes, requiring shutdown; NS3.0 abruptly gets these fatal error message popups that can't be closed & float over everything on the screen, requiring a reboot. Who says I don't live dangerously?

Dangerously for a nerd, anyway. Although I received a score of only 26.65%. (This is also the retail site for Accoutrements)

Ya know what's annoying? Doing text cut in MSIE. It never seems to end on the character you want. I think that this fact added 10 minutes to doing this week's Ob. Speaking of which, while scrounging for an old Ambient tape, I came across what's playing now: Tito Puente--Dance the Cha-Cha-Cha/El Bourinquen Orchestra--Authentic Cha-Cha & Mambo. This was a fave from, gourd, like 8 years ago.

While driving to work Sat, I thought about an email exchange from someone who asked why I didn't have my own domain. Outside of a Cool Domain Name, what would I gain besides but bandwidth-use charges? That same day, the same person sent me an offer to host inexob.com for *free*. I don't know what to do.

Oh boy, it's been so long since I played this tape...I forgot that at the end of Tito I put a crackly 1948 version of a song featured prominently in a later movie of the same name, "Brazil." And "Pico & Sepulveda!" The original vocal version of the Dr Demento theme song. "La Brea Tar Pits (TAR PITS!)!...Where nobody's dreams come true."

New WRATH. Hmm, me singing an annoying song...yet Banana Chips are mentioned not.

Bushbaby whines simultaneously about how "We need a tax cut cuz the economy is nonexpandificating!" & "We can afford a tax cut cuz the economy is so boomtastical!" In all the distraction about the "marriage penalty" for the affluent, he's doing nothing about the EIC penalty for the working poor. At the same time, the "Get the Gummint off our backs" conservatives ("gummint" here defined as OSHA, Roe v. Wade, & the EPA) want to force the poor into marriage. IT'S THE HYPOCRISY, STUPID!!

2/12

The Endless Search:

magritte this is not a pipe jpg
2 pac picturs [it just ain't search day without some dork lookin' fer "picturs"]
raising jumbo shrimp
eddie murphy raw pics
snowsuit fetish
chi-chi's sauce
kevlar toy
dr shrinker yahoo
joy mangano
quicksand disney review
boogie oogie ooogie lyrics
go go kitty new bangs
buffy valentine's day episode
dermabrasion+ireland
painting jesus burger
white trash apple pie lyrics
static and lp and record and ground and turn and wire and brush
If you used to read comics, here are some comic book cliches. "Heroes with powers that turn them into giants several times their normal size will always wear shirts that rip away in the most aesthetically pleasing fashion, and pants that thoughtfully do not." If you never read comics, it'd prly be a tedious read, however.

The tender story of Ron & Nancy Reagan's love letters.

The Bottom 50 Conspiracy Theories. "Ronald Reagan's second term was the inspiration for Weekend at Bernie's 2." Sounds right to me.

A grimly fascinating look inside Tech Support, & the unblinking eye of Hotcube.

MUST...OWN...THIS!!!!

More Kitty! I'm in there somewhere. I think. NICE FREAKIN TYPEFACE, MS. SQUINTY!!
(it begins here, if you want the whole ride--Hello Kitty air conditioner?!)
Synchronicity!! I followed all the lil links like a dutiful monkey, & it turns out that this is the same Aussie who does the art for Jet Wolf of OSB fame!

Star Wars fans will be interested in this article on Lucas' sources.

2/13

Note to potential downloaders of NS6.01: DON'T.
I guess that Opera has "The World's Fastest Browser!" as their catchphrase, so Netscape decided to own the opposite extreme. I've never browsed & heard my hard drive go grind grind grind NONSTOP.It took me about 15 seconds to type the bit after "4.76." It took NS6.01 over 2 minutes to display the text. And it put it in the middle of the 1/30 entry. I feel like it's 1995, & I'm making my 1st exploration of this "net" thing with Compuserve & my old 2600bps modem.

GAR! You don't know how many times this damn browser just bounced my cursor every which way in this window! IT JUST DID IT NOW! It's like that hateful feature of MSIE, when you have 2 windows open. IT picks the 1 it thinks is most important! (which, no doubt, is how The Lord Gates views our opinions in general)

I can't believe how damn long it took me to type as few words as these. Time to reboot, & see if I'm doomed to a lifetime of NS3 & MSIE.

2/14Other treats in NS6.01: It claims to be XML compatible, which I haven't tried, but I doubt it, given its problems with basic HTML tags like alt, pre & even center. I left this page open while I did stuff in another window, & when I went back, saw that counter was clicking up in realtime. That's cool, I thought, until I looked closer & noticed it was clicking up at an insane rate. I DON'T want this part of my page to be viewed by more than a few people! I looked at my stats, & saw that it was reloading ME looking at it, at a rate of once every 10 seconds. Nice feature if you want your page to get unearned hits, I guess.
On the other appendage--CHRIST! Has The New always looked that shitty on msie?!?

For reasons unknown, I was emailed this page about hot dog eating contests. The tips page is handy, though.

Wow, cigarettes really can kill you!

The movie about the manhunt for hacker Kevin Mitnick is going to be hard to rent. But that seems to be a good thing:

A typical (and entirely fictitious) scene finds Shimomura chasing Mitnick
                    through the streets of Seattle. The hacker makes his escape by turning on his
                    pursuer and shouting "You stole my wallet!," prompting passers-by to
                    immediately jump Shimomura and beat him up. Did it take all four
                    screenwriters to come up with that one?
Thanks to Jen Aside for the next InExLink!! All Your Base Are Belong To Us

2/15

Apparently, it's just now occured to people that Bible characters are freakin' insane.

Salon on the male/female pop manufactured pop bands: "It is an odd and paradoxical dichotomy: sluttish-looking teenage girls and the androgynous boys they pine for."

Also from Salon: "It's not uncommon for a girl of limited means to color her entire face with a brown magic marker. For those ganguro with the funds, however, Japan's hippest hair stylists will coerce usually rail-straight Japanese locks into bulbous "afuro" (afro) perms that take half a day to set and cost about $400."

Nobody here but us search requests:

porn videos caps
peppermint schnapps and jpg
fan belt metric
snoring mp3 sound effect
fake id - uk
belt buckle
miller high life monkeys
what americans think about canadians
free hat
bumble bee tuna expiration
montgomery wards sailor moon
bushisms observe
making crack from coke
snowmobile front bumper
kabalarian fraud
pimping cupid
obese pig cow woman
dumpster diving compusa
strange object pussy
pizza slut
relatedwwwhughesnet/scheper/thewordhtm
the village idiot history [this could be the title for the search requests!]
scans blue bird miniskirt
[...and my favorite new search is:]
kinda like the corn through goose thing but without the angry farmer
2/16

I don't have the url, but there was a post to Psychoceramics about a page insisting that if you see 3 or 4 1s in a row, that means ANGELS are doing something to help you. Here's the reply to my post:

On Sunday, February 11, at 11:17 PM, Bill the Splut wrote:>
 
> >>Have you been seeing 111 or 1111 lately? >
 
> I manage a liquor store.  NOW I KNOW why we sell so many bottles of 11/11  
> malt liquor every week!  Angels are getting hammered!
 
Everyone, please note the time of Bill's posting.  I'm now convinced of the
truth of 1111!--    Jack Nutting
Go to Cap'n Wacky (as you should every Fri anyway). Hmm, that unattributed quote looks familiar! Then click on Ask Zonar.

Bush bombs Iraq, apparently to show that he can. "Our intention is to make sure the world is as peaceful as possible," Bush said, as if "peaceful" & "bombing" are the same word. It took me a long time to figure that the picture with the news story was not an elfen-faced hunchback with incredibly long arms.

New York Mayor Drooliani is on the Christian Art Warpath again. "Jesus was never nude," sniffs a middle school teacher, who must've been His roomie or something to know that. And His robe must've stunk to High Heaven.

"Belgian police raid homes of people using music-sharing sites" Welcome to the Napsterless Future.

2/19

It's amazing how quickly stuff spreads through the net. "All Your Base Are Belong To Us" turned up everywhere before I could use it as an InExLink. In fact, the null device listed it under "Cliche Watch" yesterday.
Amanda Langill sent me another peculiar .swf file, Hattan. Very weird (& slightly tedious at 1 point--enough with the floating hat, already). Within hours, it turned up on PigDog.

An article on Sports Futility Vehicles:

Once used almost exclusively to haul, tow, race or
take off-road, the SUV is now overwhelmingly used to go to work, the mall or otherwise tool around town. An internal auto
industry memo noted that only 13 percent of those who own SUVís use them for their original design specifications: Sport Ė
Utility. 

   (While that fact beautifully illustrates the point, itís not all bad. Itís painful to imagine the number of empty Budweiser cans
that would litter once pristine wilderness if 50 percent of SUV owners went off-road.) 
The 1st search request sums it up:
average +is dumb
fold handtruck
black breakdancer pics
driveway heaters
superhappyfun
+b25 +mcentire [Reba was in the Air Force in WWII?]
big band moog
wallace and grommit radio show ["HI, 1st caller, this is Gumby, you're on the air!"]
yank ponytail [I'd prefer that you didn't]
dragon court bush [umm--OK.]
dolphinsex [what's really frightening is that he FOUND WHAT HE WAS LOOKING FOR!].
satan in the suburbs discovery ["I don't know who our new neighbor is,
     but I'm going to have a little chat with him about the fiery pits of sulphur in his backyard!"]
snow-pics nude [it's the hyphen that gets me.  is Snow-Pics Tu-Pacs albino sister?]
shawting [wow, I coined a word!!]
sitewwwgeocitiescom drunk chix
[and the search of the moment is...]
danish scum recipe
2/20

YAY! I got my Hello Kitty package from Japan today! KK is munching her IAMS from a lil pink rice bowl. And I have my Monchichi rubbers. They aren't as bizarre as the Badtz Marus--unless you count having cute lil monkeys on them as MORE bizarre. There are instructions that have lil happy monkeys on the front, & extremely graphic "how to use" graphics on the back. Good thing I got the uncircumcised instructions, as I can't read Japanese enough to find out if they're different for those monkeys whose parents weed-whacked their weiners.
And, oddly enough, this turns up the same day. Can't wait for the picture!

Today I received my SECOND unsolicited web-hosting offer, this time from suepammers.org, who also requested InExOb t-shirts. Which I admit I've thought of, but what they be? I 1st thought of this for the "Sodomy in 2000" campaign, but thought, who the hell would wear THAT shirt in public? (Tom "I am not a lawyer" Geller, Founder of The Suespammers Project, replied "Are you kidding? This is San Francisco -- you'd make out well here.")
It might've been a valuable collector's item. Given that the election really DID turn out to be America getting sodomized in 2000...

This is comics-oriented, but is just as enjoyable for those who "have gone so far as to experiment with 'English' classes and even 'Creative Writing' courses. That's right. You can now actually attain school credit for 'writing!'"

KK does not like computers, having realized on her 1st day here that they're competition for my attention. However, she is a fan of Old School fanfold paper. A box of it was found at work, & it's what we use for the fax. Minus the ...paper hole things...umm, the edges. Whenever I tear them off the sheets, I bring em home & drape them over the kitty condo & watch the fun. Here are some action shots of KK in mortal combat once, and again. One needs a break after all that deadly fighting.
And, yes, there is going to be a Kill Kill pic page. There, I've announced it, there's no turning back now.

2/22

Add to list of things to never do: Shit on tigers.

And I thought my web romance was a disaster: "My Internet love is a corpse-hoarding granny."

Wow! Cool shit! Literally.

I asked Luna for some Japanglish pages, so the write of Monchichi Rubber is good smart! This is unintentionally amusing.

Running out of space here, so it's just as well that today's Endless Search is short & sweet. Short & something, anyway:

drawings of satan and minions [I can only picture a crayon scribble that says "saTAn + asMODeus fRends 4-EVR" by Asmodeus, age 6]
americans stole technology from aliens flying [Aliens flying where? To O'Hare on United?
Aliens should watch their carry-ons more closely around Americans]
jello pudding shot alcohol [PUDDING shots?  Bill Cosby is an alky?  "AAWWWW!"]
melamine formaldehyde for sweaty feet [yep, dip those stinky tootsies in embalming fluid, then encase them in plastic.
think of the cash you'll save on Odor-Eaters!]
bottom tits rubb [I want just the bottomm of the titts to get a rubb!  cuz me a wack jobb!]
2/23

If you were wondering (I sure was) here's the faq for the game that gave us All You Base.

Cap'n Wacky had me as an attributed quote (linked here), but now has me as an unattributed quote again. Odd. But this is funny: Dubya Theme Weeks. Note the photo on his desk in the 2nd picture...


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