INEXPLICABLE OBJECT OF THE WEEK


Week of 10/31/99:

WEEK 81

The Miracle Of the Windshield Wiper

I was doing about 50 on the drive home from work when I heard a gentle flapping, something rapping at my windshield wiper...it was
A DEAD RAVEN!!!
Bwa ha ha ha! Scared you, didn't I! Happy Halloween!

No, it was a flyer someone had stuck there on the passenger side, so I didn't see it until I was airborne. It valiantly held on, even at 75-80 MPH. I plucked it off when I got home--it's from JESUS!!

No, really! He signed his name at the bottom! (Well, He typed it. What that autograph would be worth, huh?) It starts (note: all following quotes sic):

"For God so loved the world that he gave (me) his only son, so that everyone who believes in (me) him will not perish but have eternal life. [Man! I guess Jesus is the Me-ssiah] God did not send (me) his son into the world to condem it..."
Hmm. God did not give (you) him a spellcheck. I assume it's "condemn," though if Jesus is a Catholic it might be "did not send (me) his son into the world to condom it, but to use the sacred & oh-so effective Rhythym Method." It ends with
"Just call out my name, read my word, the Bible to draw strength. I love you; Jesus.
Vist; CHURCH OF THE LIVING GOD [SEE? It really IS Him!! He's living right in town!]...past BUCKLAND HILLS MALL, down hill, past Christmas Tree Shop, across from Uno's."

I'll bet he even works at the Christmas Tree Shop! Talk about your perfect job! Think of the great manger scenes he'd make! "No, ma'am, the sheep go to the left, the cow to the right. Yes, the aardvarks & penguins were there. This is why we no longer speak of Gummo, the Fourth Wise Man. He's the one bringing the gift of a trash bag full of deposit cans."

And He Himself left it under my windshield wiper! I never thought I'd be Touched by an Angel!
Though I got close that time I was Fondled by a Priest...


Inexplicable Link of the Week

Two courtesy KMDS:

Poop Counter
Pulp Simpsons


Objects from Previous Weeks

Objects from Previous Weeks


1999 Bill Young