Week of 4/1/01:

WEEK 153

"Lung Gong?" asks Quasimodem, the guy who sent me this Chinese menu. "Is that like Kidney Flute?"

I don't know, but they've sure found some unappetizing-sounding dishes here.

Preserved Mustard Tuber. And I thought Pu-Pu Platter sounded odd. But I will take a heapin' pile of preserved tubers over...

If you don't like Fire Pot with your intestines, they're also available fried.

Jelly Fish Salad, like Revenge, is a dish best served cold!
And, like Revenge, something you'd only wish on your worst enemy. But when was the last time you took him out to dinner?

Cattle Fish brings up a mental picture of Chinese cowboys getting trampled by a stampeding herd of giant carp.

Soya Sauce would be a good name for a Dale Evans-like cowgirl, strumming her qin and singing "Happy Trails to You That Follow Not the Imperialist Lackeys of the Falun Gong."

Again with the preserved food products! How is it preserved? Laminated like a Polaroid? Bronzed like a baby shoe? In a big jar of formaldehyde like Frankenstein's future brain?

Oh boy, crullers! Like at the Krispy Kreme!
HEY! What'd you call me?? Yeah, well, you're a bigger Tiau, asshole!

You know, if Sony took this dish and made it capable of playing MP3s made from twigs, it'd be called a Sticky Memory Stick Stick Made of Sticks with Pork that Sings Styx.

That's what I said when I dropped curd on my tofu--
"Oh, ma po achin' tofu!"

I apologize for that one.

I think "Little Juicy Buns Get Steamy and Porked" is the name of a series of XXX porno videos. And salty special soy milk is what the guy watching it gets all over his hands.

No, tell me it's not true! There can't really be anything edible on a chicken's foot! I hope that this is just what it's called, like chicken fingers.

On the other hand...

"Filthy humans! Taste my STEEL, not my feet!"

"I'm with you, brother!"


George in Charge

Objects from Previous Weeks

Objects from Previous Weeks

2001 Bill Young