Week of 8/13/00:
Who Chose The Corporate Mascot? Parts 4 and 5
"Found this lying next to a trash can. I nearly died."(NOTE:
"This character is apparently the mascot for a retail chain that sells consignment and closeout items. Wal-Mart is like Nieman-Marcus compared to this place."
Here's a mascot that inspires confidence.
The idiot grin, the beer belly atop scrawny legs that makes him look like a pear on toothpicks, and, oh, yeah, he forgot to wear pants.
Oh, thanks. Like I want to actually think about how this guy smells.
They must've bought their superhero on closeout, too--
Superman's only vulnerable to kryptonite, but you take this guy out with paint. He's the only superhero who can't even defeat a graffiti tagger.
Maybe if he had some sort of special attack he could frighten evildoers, but the only believable way he could do this would be to have a battle cry like
"I'VE EATEN NOTHING BUT TACO BELL FOR 6 WEEKS!!"
and then menacingly aim his ass.
But this loser has nothing on the piece of shit that Empress Natalie found:
Thought I was kidding when I said "piece of shit," huh?
Yes, some advertising knothead watched South Park and decided that Mr Hanky was a good idea.
This would only make sense if the company sold chocolate-covered cocktail weinies. I can't see any connection to corn here, unless there are undigested Niblets embedded in his body.
And did they really need to have him wiggle?
One can only guess as to what these geniuses picked as their advertising slogan...
"Look what just Popped out O' Our Krack!" maybe?
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©2000 Bill Young