Week of 7/30/00:
Yes, it's a pack of Hello Kitty Condoms.
It's not that the concept is so weird that gets me, but the images on the weiner wrappers themselves.
We can choose from Goose-Stepping Nazi Badtz-Maru, or Drunken Frat Boy Badtz-Maru Blowing Up A Rubber Like A Balloon, or the rather upsetting Slave Master Badtz-Maru. Yeah, that one's for all the chicks who get turned on thinking about sadistic cartoon penguins wielding branding irons.
Whatever that white thing is. Fetal Hello Kitty, maybe?
Oh, wait, I get it! It's Spurty the Sperm, dead in a body bag with a reservoir tip! How appropriate!
Kiru's partner-in-inexplicia, Lunamoth, found something for that Hello Kitty fan who has everything, except for a guy to wear the condoms. Here's the Hello Kitty vibrator.
Maybe they're thinking of changing the name of their product line to "Hello Pussy."
First of all, though, the condoms are truly bizarre. Badtz-Maru is a strange enough character without any sexual undertones. However, the real problem is the "Hello Pussy" vibrator - I noticed that your photo was different from the one I'd seen, so I asked my Japanese friend Shawn about it. According to him, what you've got there isn't a vibrator, but it is in fact a musical instrument of some sort. A whistle or a recorder or some such. Hence the strange bunny ears on Kitty (that's the mouthpiece), and as he so patiently pointed out, the words "My Melody" and smattering of musical notes all over the packaging. So I did some investigating - there's a couple dozen of these things on sale on eBay... Photos of the actual vibrator are attached, and- here's where it gets REALLY disturbing - if you look at the second (out-of-the-box) picture, it would appear that it's the HelloKitty end that vibrates!! Ewwwww!-- Jason Camp - Designer/Webslinger http://www.stratecom.com
I'd thank you even more if you'd told me this yesterday, before I'd posted to the Straight Dope Message Board!
Yeah..."Dope" is right...
It's the InExOb that
WON'T STOP UPDATING!
The inestimable Jet Wolf sez:
A friend of mine is bizarrely fascinated by the merchandising horror that is Hello Kitty, so I told her of your latest InExOb. She had this to say: "(smirk) Eeuw. I wouldn't believe the 'Japanese' guy who said it was a musical instrument. 'My Melody' is the name of the bunny, and there is clearly the word 'ma-saaa-ji' in katakana on the packaging ;)" 'Masaaaji' being "massage" for us gaijin. So perhaps you may yet return to an existence where you weren't full of Kitty shit.I have been vindicated!
I'd be more psyched if I didn't realize that this means that there's
A WHOLE PRODUCT LINE OF SANRIO MASTURBATORY AIDS.
I'm scared now.
Six months later, and I'm STILL updating...
Do you want to actually BUY some of this wacky stuff? Go visit Karen Maneater's Hello Kitty Mall!
More Cartoon Animals Having Sex
Objects from Previous Weeks
©2000 Bill Young