INEXPLICABLE OBJECT OF THE WEEK

Week of 5/28/00:

WEEK 111

Lost in the Ozone


A 1951 pamphlet I found in the 5/$1 bin. Illustrations are by Lucy Ozone.
No, really.
It sounds like a chat room nickname, but that's who she is.

The Nuclear Family

DAD: "Gosh, isn't it swell that we live in Nevada?"
MOM: "Yes, dear! I pity those poor people back East, who only get to see these night time nuclear bomb tests in the newspaper, instead of right on their front lawns like we do!"

SIS: "Golly, I hope that when I'm in college in the 60s I get to see as magic a mushroom as the A-bombs make!"

JUNIOR: "Uh, Dad, my hair's falling out in clumps and I'm peeing blood again..."

DAD: "That's Commie talk, son. And for God's sake, hitch your pants up good and high like mine."

What's with that framed picture of Junior throwing a tantrum?

DAD: "Gosh darn it all to heck in a handbasket! HELLO?! Can't you understand what I'm saying? Cheese on crows, but are you people DEAF?! Don't you get my dander up, you ninnies!"

JUNIOR: "Hey, Daddy, you FUCKIN' TARD! Ever think that you'd hear a little less whack-ass if you HELD THE RECEIVER RIGHT SIDE UP?!"

(And what's going on in that framed picture behind them? Aldo has this interpretation:)

Think how crazy the dream would be if someone wasn't wearing a hat!

Ever have that dream, where you're naked in public & it's the day of the big test in school & you can't remember your locker combination & you get chased by a mob but you can only run in slow motion & then this gigantic shrimp jumps into your living room & attacks you?
Me too!
Ever have that dream where you're barefoot in public & this guy stares at your left foot & another guy stares at your right foot & this gal stares at your hands & this other guy totally checks out your butt, & he's thinking "WHOA! Nice butt! Nice, pointy, tail-finned butt! Better not touch it, that butt looks razor sharp!"
Me neither, but then again I'm not Lucy Ozone.
Thank God.

Uh, kid, could you go bother the NY Yankees now?

"Hey, lady!
Should you be letting your son DO that?!"

Robert Benchley, after too many martinis at the Algonquin Round Table.  And being hit by a truck

I assume that this is the sarcastic pronounciation of "wonderful." And that crappy taste in hats is genetic.

Note the expressions on the 2 kids: The boy is slack-jawed in horrified disbelief, and the girl is literally gagging herself with a spoon.

I'd like to touch him on the Pampas

I don't know what personal demons Lucy Ozone is trying to exorcise through her art, but this is her second drawing of a minor intently staring at an adult's groin.

The teacher probably isn't helping Missy's "emotional growth" by talking about how Argentina is long and huge and hangs down from Brazil, where they have those giant nuts.

Sean Penn, age 3

"Police have released video footage of the brutal murder of Whistler's Mother at the hands of Whistler's Son. The child can be heard screaming 'STOP that fucking ROCKING! It's drivin' me crazy, it's drivin' me NUTS!'"

Let's take a little pause here, and look at the kid's pockets. Then look at the pockets in the last 3 pictures. What's with Lucy Ozone and the stitches?

The Nuked Family

I passed this picture by the first few times I saw it. So they're all dressed up and going to church, big deal. Lucy in the Ozone with Diamonds finally drew a normal picture.

Then I looked at the background...

The town has been NUKED by the COMMIES.

MISSY: "Umm...Mommy...Daddy...Why did they have the bomb test in the city?"

DAD: "Don't worry, Princess. We ducked and covered, and the government says that the fallout should only last a few hours. Now, you grab a shovel and help Mommy and Daddy dig some mass graves..."


Inexplicable Link of the Week

Finally!
A way to make the Web REALLY interactive!

Thanks to Giggy I mean GALLY for the link


Objects from Previous Weeks

Objects from Previous Weeks


2000 Bill Young