"What I need, I don't have
What I have, I don't own
What I own, I don't want
What I want? I don't know."
--Leonard Bernstein, "Mass"
Jump to the Newest of the New
Has it really been a week since I updated? Oops.
KMDS sent me this amusing link comparing Disney's new film Atlantis with a Japanese TV cartoon of a decade previous.
In a strangely similiar vein, this compares Rush & Adolf.
This is weird--The yellow dots DON'T disappear, but they...do...no matter how you look at them.
put my email address back up on the Ex-Ob yesterday. I didn't want a
deluge of emails over the thing's demise (but got them anyway). Putting
it up again was dumb; of course everyone's going to look at it this
week to make sure it isn't updating. I got an email from Kathleen
Sweet--no subject line, no text, just 36K of clip-art fish. I stared at
it thinking "I don't get this" when it clicked:
Hey, Kathleen! Thanks for all the fish!
There's something that really isn't an update on the Archive of Old InExes--it's the pics from the 3 weeks I went on vacation, if you have the need to see Bloated Gas Pain Man again.
For those that I haven't told via email: Yes, there is a chance the InExOb will be back. No time soon obviously, but if any Obs wander into my line of sight, I'm doing something with them. I won't restart the page with less than 3 months worth of Obs in the queue, so it may never happen. Obviously, this'll be the 1st place that you find out.
If it happens, it'll be named "InExOb II, Eclectic Boogaloo."
Bush "stunned" to find out USA has whole lotsa nuclear weapons. How many did Mr Genius think we had, a dozen? Isn't this kind of basic knowledge even for a Presidential candidate?
From here in CT: "McDonald's supports free speech, but I think in this case they felt that it went more beyond the reporting of the news and provided personal commentary."--a McFascist. Who owns the world? The Corporations do. Get used to it.
Great. More crap to buy. Dammit!
Some blog that linked to the Ob is here.
"He, na 3 jaar besluiten de makers van the inexplicable object of the
week er mee te stoppen. Jammer, dat was soms best grappig. Kijk
bijvoorbeeld eens naar de eennalaatste aflevering." What the hell does
that mean? I think it's Dutch, what with all the "eens" & "naars."
"Jammer, dat was soms best grappig." Thanks, I thought so too. It was the DAMN best grappig!! It was the best of grappigs, it was the worst of grappigs. "Jammer, dat was soms best grappig"--doesn't that just scan cool? I'm working that into every conversation from now on. "Wow--Memento was a great movie, huh?' "JAMMER! Dat was somes of the best grappig EVER!" "Uh...Did you just say--" "KIJK! Your gums should er mee te stoppen with their flapping!"
Kirk (Israel, not Captain) pointed out that new35 didn't link correctly. Seems I named it "arch35.html," as if it were an InExOb. Freudian naming convention slip?
December 12, 1941--A Day That Will Live in Slapstick Infamy: The Educator Biscuit Factory in Jacksonville FL is attacked by the Japanese! Well, not really. Unless it was a Honda Civic.
June 19, 2001--A Day That Will Live in Confectionary: A candy factory in Columbus OH is attacked by the Japanese! OK--not really at all. The Atomic Fireball factory burned down. "'I smell like burnt sugar,' Dean Spangler, the company's president and chief executive" said, proving with that astute observation why he gets paid the big bucks. And why the factory makes "Dum-Dums." All I can think of is the Ralph Wiggum quote, "My cat's breath smells like cat food!"
This is scary: "On Wednesday, the three promoters accepted a plea bargain; their company, Barbecue Inc. (rather than the individuals themselves), would plead guilty to one count of operating a crack house, and the corporation would pay a $100,000 fine. The promoters would not have to serve any jail time. But the settlement also included an injunction that forbade the presence of glowsticks, Vicks VapoRub, masks, pacifiers, massage tables and chill rooms at future parties." Yeah, ban the VapoRub & NO ONE will do drugs!!
actually tried to post here Sat, but the ailing Pookie did something
it's never done--slowed to a crawl. I typed away, then sat back &
watched it s-l-o-w-l-y print the words on the screen a letter at a
time, occasionally going backwards where I hit backspace from hitting
the wrong key. Then it just died. 10 minutes of work isn't much, but I
was only posting in order to say that I did, so after rebooting my
motivation was gone.
I've also forgotten what I wrote about then.
of the people emailing me about the end of the Ob was Mimi, "a friend
of Jet Wolf's." That's in quotes as she's put it at the end of every
email she's ever sent me, like I could forget her--AS IF! "As If," of
course, being her comic strip.
I wrote her suggesting that she have her characters go to the Mall, try
on swimsuits, decide that they were too fat, then yell "ACKK!" whilst
waving their arms & throwing big blobs of sweat around. "Oh wait--I
think I saw that in 'Cathy'." Page down after reading that above
link...I think I gave her some inspiration.
Bill "Zippy the Pinhead" Griffith on Cathy "Cathy" Guisewhite: "Her drawings look like she throws string on the ground & photocopies it!"
spent most of today spending quality time with Jessica. We went
antiquing in the funky little town of Sturbridge, MA, which is mainly
known for its reproduction 1830s village that we've both lived half an
hour away from most of our lives but have never gone to (and didn't go
today, either). Just wandered around, making snarky. The 1st antique
store had 3 ceramics involving little black boys--OK, "darkies"--being
amusingly eaten by alligators! Ha ha, it's even funnier than a
lynching! Weirdest was a little pitcher with a tag that described it as
"Screaming Oriental with Monkey." And that's what it was, a baboon on
this guy's back, with the guy's mouth as the mouth of the pitcher.
"That's so disturbing!" laughed Jess. "He's being humped by the monkey!
And I'm supposed to drink something from this?!" "I hope it's not for
cream..." I said. "Eww!" she said. "What goes in, must come out!"
They had a restaurant downstairs where we had lunch. Like everywhere else in the town, we were the youngest people there--that's not unusual when you're 23 like Jess, but when you're 25+ years younger than the next closest person & you're 42...What was really odd is that it was 11:30AM & we were the only ones not drinking. And I don't mean a glass of beer, there were geezers with martinis or full bottles of wine. The bar had more customers than the dining area.
Most of the stores are in ancient houses, the kind with narrow hallways, tiny rooms, low ceilings, & incredibly steep, vertigo-inducing stairways (people were shorter then--both of us are 5'7" & skinny, so if we noticed it, it's true). We went to Snotville (that's what the sign seemed to say from a distance; it was really "Snellville," which isn't much of an improvement), & a New Age Herbarium. It was actually kinda cool, as they grew herbs right in front of the store. It was all aromatherapy & crystals & chakras & "Anti-Computer Stress Tea" & even had a Feng Shui display, so I was mentally rolling my eyes the whole time--but it also had a KITTY! A beautiful grey shorthair named Minerva, snoozing in her very own chair. The 2 cat lovers oohed over her, & she awoke to accept our pets & devotion with purrs. Happy little cat, queen of her tiny world. Jess complimented the owner on her, & we were told that she'd killed a chipmunk that morning. Whoa, maaan, that like so upsets the Karmic balance & stuff!
Along this incredibly busy & noisy road we walked past an open, ugly Holiday Inn Express motel (even the Dunkin Donuts built a store that blended into the architecture of these 100+-year-old buildings; this thing looked like a giant brick Lego block dropped from the Planet of Industrial Parks) & a closed, ugly old motel. Next to it was a road to another closed motel, invisible from where we were, 650 feet up a dirt road. We stepped over the yellow CAUTION tape stretched across the entrance to investigate. The road was only 1 car wide & bordered thick with trees. Only 200 feet in, you could see the road, but not hear the booming traffic. It appeared to be a meadow, but was completely flooded, with trees growing in a foot of water & a swampy stench in the air. We found out why every store we'd been in had mosquitoes. There was some chicken-wire dam over a PVC tube that ran under the road; this was prly causing the flooding. We passed a tree trunk obviously gnawed by beavers, & found what looked like a beaver dam. Weeds could be seen growing from the windowboxes at the motel, but there were cars in the parking lot, so we left at the exact point where the homicidal maniac would've attacked in a horror movie.
As we walked back the trail, Jess was upset to find a dead butterfly in the middle of the road, which she picked up & carefully placed on a bush for some Jess-like reason. As we passed the chicken-wire dam, I told her about my parents' road in VT. There's an aerial photo of their house when it was 1st built; behind it are beautiful green pine trees as far as you can see. When the road was built, the idiot construction company buried a brook that led to the lake. The brook went underground & reappeared on the other side of the road, but it backed up & flooded the forest. Go 100 feet into it, & it's all dead now. But Nature took its revenge--It was perfect for beavers, & for months no one in the development could drink their water because it was full of beaver poo. "Don't drink it, but you can shower in it," said Mom when I was up there 1 weekend. I showered in it, & got pimples all over my shoulders...
We ended up at the Salvation Army a mile from our homes. Jess had never been there, but ended up buying 3 things (a 33-cent "Return of the Jedi" novelization, a really awesome $1.99 India-made wooden incense burner, & a HUGE oak-framed mirror for only $7.99!).
Then we had to part ways, her to get her daughter from daycare, & me to do the loathsome chore of grocery shopping. Kill Kill got a pack of toy mice, & it took her all of 5 minutes to eat the leather tail off of 1. At least it wasn't a real, live, dead chipmunk.
There was a package from Vyn at my door when I got home. A long tube of video-store posters (a curious cat got unintentionally whacked in the chin by it). There was 1 I didn't ask her for--"Chitty Chitty Bang Bang." It dawned on me why it was there--It starred a Van Dyke brother.
Some guy decides to blog 24 hours of MTV. (Scroll to the bottom & work your way up) It's pretty funny--"The lead guy from Drowning Pool wears his tortured eyes the way the guys in Fire Island wear their Speedoes."
Want to earn $15,000 a year working out of your home? Become a dumpster diver!
America's Taliban: The Senate declares Evolution false. It was stuck as a rider on an education bill, ironically.
You see, there's this thing called "Intelligent Design," which is really a new name for Creationism. The only difference is that the IDs accept "micro-evolution" (slight variations in existing species) but not "macro-evolution" (that new species can arise without being created hands-on by GAWD). IDs have absolutely no evidence for their little fantasy story, of course, but like to pretend junk like "eyesight is too complicated to have arisen by chance!" Well, winning Lotto is extremely unlikely, but given enough time--oh, I don't know, let's say BILLIONS OF YEARS--almost ANYthing is statistically likely to happen. I would argue that sight is TOO complicated to have been deliberately designed--uh, this thingie turns the image you're looking at upside down so your brain has to turn it rightside up? That's like building a car with the steering wheel facing the trunk, & making the rear windshield a giant mirror. You'd be able to drive the car with a lot of practice, but you wouldn't go very fast.
Other blatantly obvious bullshit about ID:
MENSTRUATION! Does that seem even REMOTELY like an Intelligent Design?!
"The lack of transitional fossils"--This is an ID(iot) standby. They don't care how many fossils show an increase in sophistication, they want every damn step spelled out or the whole of Evolution is false. This just shows how they make no attempt to even try to understand Evolution (which I will continue to capitalize as long as they capitalize The Bible). Turtles didn't slowly grow shells over millions of years, because they'd get EATEN on the way. It's called MUTATION (It's Not Just For X-Men Anymore!). It happens very quickly. There's no way to tell from the fossil record whether something happened in a minute or 10,000 years. That's more than enough time for a mutation, & why there are no "transitional fossils" detailing every tiny step of the way.
Why do the IDiots think that less sophisticated animals lie lower in the fossil layers than better-adapted ones? Why, because those were DUMBER than the more evolved ones, which knew to run to higher ground when Noah's Flood hit. THAT'S their actual fuckin' argument, folks! So, GAWD made these animals that were TOO STUPID TO KNOW THAT DROWNING WAS BAD FOR THEIR HEALTH?!
WOW! I just found out from that MTV marathon blog that SCTV is back on the air! (NBC, 1:35AM EDT) TV actually worth watching!
It's the unfunny 70s version of SCTV, with the laff trak & Harold
Ramis. I'll let you know when they get to the good 80s version.
Fox did the same thing when Ren & Stimpy became a hit. They showed Kricfalusi's previous show, "Mighty Mouse." They heavily promoted it with the line "Before Ren & Stimpy, there was Mighty Mouse!" This was true, as it's where Kricfalusi tried out the R&S style. But they showed it in sequence, with the earlier & tamer eps 1st, rather than the later & Stimpier ones. It gained no audience. I hope NBC doesn't make the same mistake with SCTV. I want to see the Alien Invasion plotline, or the 1 where Canada's airwaves get taken over by the Commies! (which ends in a nuclear holocaust, but which turns out to be a dream sequence--a dream sequence which ALSO turns out to be a dream sequence)
Another reason to hate Bono! Wow, so Jesse Helms has a redeeming feature? And Hitler was a vegetarian, too. Maybe if I became friends with Ian Paisley because of his fine cookie recipes, that'd be OK with Bono.
The only thing I like about U2 is their frequent producer & my all-time favorite artist, Brian Eno. I wish that I could say the same about his latest CD. This interview with Eno is much more interesting than the CD. "If you're working with a band and there's a computer in the room, ultimately the composer of this record will be the guy in the faded 1982 Rolling Stones Tour T-shirt sitting at the screen who hasn't seen anything but pizza for 12 years." (Thanks for the link, Karl!)
That 1830s reproduction village I mentioned yesterday? Well, what's an 1830s reproduction village without a genuine 1830s webpage? Or an authentic early American webcam? Note the genuine hand-crafted Old World orange traffic cones.
The Village's history is interesting, beginning with 3 brothers interested in antiques but leading to an entire "living museum." To keep up that "genuine 1830s" vibe, at 1 point the village had to be fed via food dropped by helicopters!
look at the list of search requests weekly, but none inspire me to
continue the story. Not even "tong bikinis," which brings up a very
amusing mental picture of ruthless Chinese gangsters waxing their zones.
Another interesting search was for "kitty mccartney"! I always knew she'd be famous!
Only in Ameri-duh: Man sues over job discrimination when he's fired just because he's color blind, & can't tell green from red! His job? Repairing traffic lights.
If I was still doing the SHAWT, I would've commented a week ago on the old man that I asked "Can I help you?" He said "No, thanks, I'm just looking" & those 6 syllables were enough time for 3 seperate foot-long drool streams to drip from his mouth to his shirt. Thank GOURD he didn't want help! Or especially my sleeve to wipe on!
The author who did his best to destroy Anita Hill's testimony now admits he was "a witting cog in the Republican sleaze machine." This led to Clarence Thomas becoming a Supreme Court Justice. That led directly to Dubya becoming President in the Thomas/Scalia judicial coup. Thanks for coming clean NOW, asshole.
The War Against Smart Tags: Weapon One. It's: meta name="MSSmartTagsPreventParsing" content="TRUE" with < & >, obviously. And you have to put it on ALL your pages. Thanks, Lord Gates!
co-worker had her wedding today, & through some convoluted logic I
spent the last 2 hours of my workday in the Small Store that I managed
for almost 4 years. Cool by me; I had some important shopping to do in
the same plaza (that's where the BIG LOTS is! I bought shampoo &
cheap foodstuffs, & grabbed their last "cushioned footstool with
storage space," which is already a boon to my lifestyle--My old
footstool was a picnic cooler that only gets used when the fridge is
defrosted. That 1 was made by Coors, this 1 by "Shunde Deching Wooden
Furniture Factory, No.4 Changyin Road, Rongguizhen, Hawei, Shunde City,
Guangdong." They helpfully add "Made in China" after that. I hope that
No.2 Changyin Road isn't a prison).
I arrived a bit early to the store that's now run by the hated jerk who shit his pants, & the 3 employees greeted my arrival with *cheers!* "MY PEOPLE!" I declaimed. "I have returned from exile to throw off the yoke of your oppressor!" Mr Soily-Pants looked confused by this. I wonder what he thought when he called later from the other store, & the cashier loudly said while holding the phone "POO-BOY wants to talk to you!"
The store looked like a junk heap, as I would've predicted. Hey, not MY problem anymore.
The Amish New World Order.
MONKEY FISHING! Or, uhh, not.
Jeez. I wanna fish for monkeys. Nobody TELLS me when there's monkey fishing, they just GO!
Only in Ameri-duh, again: Woman fired for stealing from dying children sues her former employer for unpaid vacation time. And her name is Dolores Crooks.
Kill Kill confused "Quiet Belly-Rub Time" with "Leave a Bloody Gouge in Mommy's Thumb Time." Ow.
Today she's abruptly full of beans (figuratively! I don't feed my cat beans! She's not BRAK!). It was 95 & Hot Humid & Horrible yesterday. It was like being a corpuscle swimming in someone's bloodstream, so hot & humid it was. And that person was Jazzercising. Around 3AM the temperature had dropped into the 60s, like groovy ma-a-an, & I went to turn off the fan by the bed. I was startled to see KK sitting on the desk next to the fan.
She doesn't like the heat; she's spent most of the last month sleeping in the bathtub. The fan went off, & so did Kills--crazily rampaging through the house, knocking crap over everywhere. Then, for the 1st time since the heat started, she jumped into bed beside me. She gave herself a bath, then pressed her paws against my arms in a holding-hands kind of way, then for the next 2 hours snoozed next to me. I love that.
Then we awoke when the damn landscapers came to mow the dead, dry lawn. That I don't love. But HAHA! to you, landscapers! You came at the exact moment I had to go to work, 2 hours earlier than usual! And I got home 2 hours earlier, too! More time to play with my bestest friend!
where, you ask, is that KK page so long promised? I don't know how to
format it! I want the stories of our friendship, our little silly
anecdotes, to be as much a part of it as the photos. But should I have
all the photos, or just a few of the best? Maybe a page or 2 of the
best, with a page of thumbnails to the rest?
I don't know. If it seems like I'm overthinking this--well, I am. Sometime very far from now that will seem to be over in an instant when it arrives, there will be no Kill Kill. And I will spend many an hour looking at her page and wiping my tears.
Making her page may not seem that big a deal to you, but it is to me.
...Kill Kill to be happy & healthy, & to never feel unloved.
...Jess & KMDS & Kitty & Vyn & Luna & Karl & all the other friends & family, real & virtual, to also be happy & healthy & stuff!
...Oh yeah, a 2nd hard drive!
...The 2nd HD to be easy to install! And not fuck up my Pookie!
...Well, I want to go to the bathroom now, since I can't think of anything else more important than that anyway.
Ahhh...That was refreshing! Let's see, I want, I want...
...FLYING MONKEYS! BUT--They MUST be litter-trained!
OK, that was a sucky "I want." There ain't no flying monkeys. Believe me, I've tried, taping kites to their backs, throwing them off skyscrapers, onlookers' horrorified calls to 911, jail time, etc etc etc. Scratch that.
...PIZZA! No wait--I don't want pizza. Makes the monkeys fart.
...A tank. Not an SUV, a TANK. I hear ex-Soviet T62s are cheap!
...To meet the DJs of the "Lite Favorites" station I hear 40 hours a week at work! As heads impaled on pikes.
...Wax my eyebrows! Hell, wax EVERYTHING! I'd be as hairless as a Boy Band, & be able to use myself as a SURFBOARD!!
...LASER BEAM EYES!
...Be able to EAT ROCKS! Oh, I'm sure that you think I just made that up right now while typing really fast, but NOOOO! I've ALWAYS wanted to EAT ROCKS so I could SPIT GRAVEL and PISS ROAD SAND! WHY? WHY, YOU ASK?!?! BECAUSE--
Let's just move on, shall we?
...Meet God. And ask him for a raise.
...Meet opera composer Richard Wagner (pronounced REEK-hard VAG-ner-dipshit) & say "Say, Dick--May I call you Dick?--No? Is Reek-hard OK, given your powerful body odor? Ha ha ha, I'm just kidding you, man--I mean, ubermensch! WHOA! Is that a JEW I see?" Then when he turned to look, I'd push him off the cliff into the jagged pile of scrap metal!
OK, that 1 sucked too. I'd need a cliff, some jagged scrap metal, Richard Wagner, & a time machine.
...A cliff, some jagged scrap metal, Richard Wagner, & a time machine.
...Uhh...And also win Lotto?
Hmm. That list's pretty unachievable.
Except for the personal happiness parts. I don't need to want those.
They're already here.
did some shopping Tuesday. 2 pairs of black jeans for work, a black
short-sleeve shirt (why does that have to have the modifying noun of shirt?
I've never bought a pair of short-sleeved pants), some cat litter, some
toy mice. The pants all have to go back (haha! I bought both with the
wrong inseam length! I am stupid!); the shirt Kill Kill hated (HUH?! No
really; I unbuttoned it to try it on, & she looked at it &
screamed "YAAOWW!" *pause* "YAAAOOOWW!!" *pause*...She did it 5 times
total. But it's black! All the better for everyone to see that I have a
white cat that sheds like an explosion in a fluff factory!); the 12
mice were rattly & catnippy & chaseable, so KK loved those
(since she gave me a lecture on my fashion sense, I gave her a lecture:
"Young lady! This household is spending far too much money on toy mice!
If you lose these, you're paying for the next ones yourself!" I think
all the old mice have been dragged beneath the waterbed, where no human
has ever gone. So far, she hasn't lost any of the new ones!); the
litter was the recycled paper type I haven't used in months (KK shat on
a piece of Bagland paper, just like the last time. Unfortunately, she
picked the same day to puke on some paper--and EAT it! NOOO! Dogs do
that, not my perfect pretty princess kitty!!!).
That last sentence brought to you the US Parantheses Board (Use Some Today! [Please!])
Speaking of Silly Cats--this is aptly named "dearlordtoocute,"
but DON'T go if you're not a kitten fan. In fact, I'll give it away: a
14-sec clip of a teeny weeny kitten that almost flops asleep on its
Kill Kill was cuter. Of course.
I love holidays like the 4th! Americans NEED an excuse to act MORE like identically programmed robots! And get drunk & blow Barnacle Bill's torso off! Jeez, the biggest firecracker they had in MY day was the M-80! They make--M-1000s now?!
More Fourth Fun, here in CT: Inevitably, some shithead fired a gun for the big noisy-noise it makes! And hit a 7-year-old: �She needs reconstructive surgery. They say she needs several operations, lower jaw�s been broke, she lost the teeth of one side, part of the tongue got ripped off." I didn't say I thought that it was funny. Either BAN FUCKING HANDGUNS or SHOOT PEOPLE WHO THINK THE THINGS ARE TOYS!!
Want to yell "I AM IRON MAN"--& actually mean it? Join the Marines in 10 years.
"Compared with a currently equipped U.S. marine, who is required to
march 4 kilometers per hour carrying as much as 50 kilograms of
equipment, an exoskeleton-equipped marine would be able to move about
three times that fast while carrying more than double the load, Garcia
predicts. The leatherneck exoskeleton would probably cost no more than
the price of a motorcycle."
Not that there wouldn't be drawbacks to your Starship Troopers powered armor: "Industrial robots sometimes injure or kill people who stray too close. Powerful exoskeletons will be embracing their wearers when something goes wrong."
This article has the added advantage of the names of 2 people involved--Kazerooni (sounds like a mad scientist from a Super Friends episode) & the more subtly named Pin. As in what you enter to use your ATM card.
I'm not sure how a "Mr T pities the foo'!" riff got started in my last email to Lilly, but this ended up in my reply:
But...Who pities Mr T? (SCENE: A dark castle room in Denmark) (enter MR T) T: To be or not to be; That's a hella question! Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The jibba-jabba of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against the glass of milk, And by not drinking it not get drugged, And end up on Murdoch's airplane anyway. The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks That static electricity gives me from the gold chains, 'tis a consummation, a hella consummation! Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep; To love it when a plan comes together: ay, there's the Vicks Vapo-Rub; Who would fardels bear, FOO'?! Not T, FOO'! T ain't bearin' no fardels for NOBODY! (FACE gives MR T a glass of milk; T drinks it, passes out) (exeunt A-TEAM to the plane)I dunno. Seems like such an obvious joke, "T does Hamlet." I hope I'm not ripping off someone who beat me to that idea without me knowing it. My Sweet Lord, as George Harrison would say.
exactly 3 A-Team episodes in my life. It was on the air after the point
I was 10 years old, so it had no appeal to me. All 3 eps seemed to have
ended with the Team making some assault vehicle out of an old junker
car/truck/van, followed by an army of heavily-armed thugs being
defeated. This mainly seemed to be because they failed to see the
hidden ramps that would make their cars fly into the air. They would
crash horrifically, but everyone was in perfect health after the
I think that the above Ham-fisted soliloquy indicates how much you can know about pop culture without actually having seen any of it. Scary, in a way. (Was T's word "hella" or "helluva"? I get contradictory representations from various pages.)
I keep forgetting to mention that a guy from New Zealand sent me an InExOb. The queue is now 1 object long. Me, I haven't come across any myself yet, so it may still be a long wait.
"...not every child will be ready for its topics at the same time," but
"If we waited for every kid to be ready, we'd be the same kind of world Jonas is in."
says a librarian about a dystopian childrens' book about a world where
nonconformity can mean lethal injection. "However Focus on the Family,
a Colorado Springs-based Christian ministry, is concerned that parents
are not being allowed to decide which books are appropriate for their
children." Duh! These are the people legislating that Evolution's a
myth & the Bible isn't. By "parents" they mean "Right-Wing
Christian Parents with a Need to Control Everything About Anybody's
Life Everywhere." The article begins with "In a world where twins are
illegal, a baby twin boy is 'released' from life with a fatal
injection." I haven't read this book, but I'll bet that the Xtians
would read that as "Pro-Life" if the dystopia was clearly spelled out
Conformity is always bad, unless it's your own conformity.
I'm not sure if I should make fun of this old guy or not (but will!),
as I'm not sure if he didn't speak English, or had a stroke that
impaired his speech, or was kinda very retarded, or all of the above.
He came into the beer cooler to ask me "Bhlb Lippa?" I said "I'm sorry,
I didn't hear you." He said "Bhlb Lippa?" After he said "Bhlb Lippa" a
few more times, I guessed "Bud Light 30 pack?" He nodded
enthusiastically. That's what he wanted! I showed him the Bud Light
30s. He looked at them, looked away, looked closer at them, then turned
to me & shook his head. No, he wanted "Bhlb Lippa!" I had him
repeat this again, apologizing for my inability to understand him, when
he suddenly said "Bsssh Lippa!" "BUSCH Light 30s?" I asked. Yeah, that
was want he wanted. I showed him the Busch light 30s. He looked at
them, looked away, looked closer at them, then turned to me & shook
his head--No, he wanted "Bsssh Lipta!" "Busch Light 12 packs?" I shot
into the dark. YES! Until he saw them. Then, he looked at them, looked
away, looked closer at them, then turned to me & shook his head.
Finally, he decided to spell "Bsssh Lipta" out. "G...U...L...B!" "Gulb?? I've never heard of Gulb." He started getting annoyed at my inability to understand his mush-mouthed garblings. He spelled "GULB" again: "C...O...O...B!" "COORS Light?" I desperately guessed. THAT was what he wanted, or so I prayed as I pointed the entire cooler door that was filled with Coors Light packages, & which--of course--he had been standing right next to the whole time.
He looked, he looked closer, as I named the package sizes--"6s, 12s, 18s?" No, he didn't want those, he wanted "Bhlb Lippa" again. "Coors Light 30s?" I sobbed in fear, pointing to the stack of Coors 30s that were at the other side of where he was exactly standing the whole entire time. YES! VICTORY! HE WANTED A COORS LIGHT 30!! Then he exited the cooler door & saw the huge stack of Coors Light packages opposite. No, he didn't want the 30, he wanted the 18 pack.
This was when I hid in the cooler. Hey, what would you have done? Asked again, & had him demand "Phloorg Shlubta Yog Soggoth"?
The 18s had a small price sign on them. They were stacked like Lincoln Logs, perpindicular to each other. Anybody else would've moved the sign, but he squirmed the 18s not under the sign around until 1 came out (I'm surprised he didn't knock the whole thing over). Then he looked at that cooler door filled with Coors products AGAIN & dumped the warm 18 for a cold 1.
I'm leaning towards "kinda very retarded" as the explanation.
Whoops! It's not polite to say "retarded" anymore! In fact, it may become obsolete, too! The American Association for the Mentally Retarded has decided that the word's "offensive" & want to change "mentally retarded" to "intellectually disabled," although "disabled" might be too strong for them, too. And they changed their name from "the American Association on Mental Deficiency" 30 years ago, when they decided that THAT was offensive, & changed it to "retarded." And before they changed to "Mental Deficiency" they were called "the Association of Medical Officers of American Institutions for Idiots and Feeble-Minded Persons." Note how "Intellectually Disabled" might bring them full-circle to ID-iots.
I should point out that the 1st time that I read that article on "What to name the feeble-minded this decade," the article had a banner ad for N'Sync at the top. Apropos, yes?
I'm trying to find out what causes July Disease.
Early 7/97: I call out sick at the department store I work at. Polly from Payroll says, "Do you know that you've haven't called out sick in a year? A year to the day?" That's weird, I thought. Then didn't think about it at all.
Early 7/98: I call out sick to the liquor store. The next day, I find out that Jessica did too. We think that we must've picked up a bug from a customer.
Early 7/99: Jessica no longer works at the liquor store, but we both call out from work the same day. Everyone tells us that it's because of the 100 degree weather we've been having. We guess that they're right, even though we both agree that the heat never affects us. We both got better as soon as the heat wave ended, when a huge line of thunderstorms plowed through the state. Then I remember the previous year...Are we allergic to the same thing, some plant that poops pollen around 7/7 every year?
Last year I was sick the day before she was, right around 7/7. This year, I felt the opening attack on 7/5 (exhaustion, spaciness). I was sure I'd be sick the next day, but I felt instantly better after a giant thunderstorm with high winds came through. Then it rained all night. I didn't feel great the next day, but I'd lucked out. The storm had washed the pollen from the air, just like it had in '99.
I walked in the woods on 7/4 & noticed a tall weed with closed flowers, ready to burst. Today, the same flowers had opened, & pollen-lovin' bugs were crawling on them. a-HA! I thought! I'll bet that this thing's the culprit!
It took some searching, but I found a page that identified it as Daucus carota. The wild carrot.
Man, that's...anticlimatic. I was hoping it'd be called "The Skull-Capped Nightshade!" or "The Venus Face-Trap!" or "The Bolivian Zombie Brain-Eating Death Lily of Living Death!" or "The Very Very Bad Plant INDEED!"
Gourdamn carrot. Not that I've been able to find out if people really DO get allergic to carrots. The only web pages on wild carrots were either "Peaceful Mind-Alternative Happy Herbal Delightful Magicalness & Feng Shui for your Dog" or "How to Commit Suicide By Poisoning" (you can't use wild carrots, BTW) or "KASE 101 austin's best new country music." Country music? That'll make you sick!
BILL: "No, officer! You don't understand! This was no normal carrot that attacked us! It was--a WILD CARROT! A feral carrot! It was abandoned in the woods by its carrot parents & raised by radishes!!"
COP: "Yeah sure buddy. Now, you just breathe into this tube & we'll find out just why you've been seeing these deadly carrots--Hey, what's that rustling noise in the bushes? I'd better investigate--NO! NOOOOO!!! CARROTS! CARROTS EVERYWHERE!! CAAAAAARROTS!!! YEEEARRGGHH!"
BILL: "My gourd! He's-he's been--julienned!"
A couple from Karl: I would've enthusiastically pushed the sequel to that crazy Pokemon Shockwave with Jay-Jay the Jet Plane getting shot down (you know the 1, even if not from that weak description), except so far all it does is crash my browser. Maybe you'll have better luck. He also recommends this Boogie Man thing, saying "Krilzedlim writes a lot like you!" even though it's more Monkeymaniacish. The post before it is obviously Karl, but you'd prly guess that from the Disco song.
An interesting if Anglocentric webtest on your political views. If you draw a diagonal line between Left & Libertarian on the results, I'm right about on the middle of it. I wonder where I'd end up on an Amerocentric one?
I spoke too soon about not getting July Disease this year.
Woke up feeling awful, so I called out sick for the 1st time in nearly a year, then slept until 3PM. I'm not feeling up to being funny, so here's some other stuff that is.
This year's winner of the Bulwer-Lytton Bad Writing Contest: ``A small assortment of astonishingly loud brass instruments raced each other lustily to the respective ends of their distinct musical choices as the gates flew open to release a torrent of tawny fur comprised of angry yapping bullets that nipped at Desdemona's ankles, causing her to reflect once again (as blood filled her sneakers and she fought her way through the panicking crowd) that the annual Running of the Pomeranians in Liechtenstein was a very stupid idea.'' Other gems from the contest are here.
www.heyletsbecoolandrock.com! A funny (if fake) homepage for a Norwegian garage band, in the "stile" of the late, lamented Super Happy Fun.
Seanbaby reviews a pair of really odd fitness videos, then blows up E.T. in a fireworks version of the old "Mousetrap" game.
"Diet Coke Wants To Remind You of Your Mother's Underpants."
White House spokesmoron responds to NAACP criticism: "Fleischer said. 'Those remarks were not made under Kweisi Mfume's leadership, when Kweisi Mfume was president of the NAACP.' Mfume is currently NAACP president, and has held the post since December 1995...When a reporter reminded Fleischer of his error, the spokesman didn't acknowledge the reminder."
night I was minutes away from finishing up a nice, juicy News when
Explorer exploded. Since NS had crashed repeatedly, this shouldn't've
been a surprise. But it was, & in a rare show of anger I brought
both fists down onto the keyboard.
I found the space bar. The numeric keypad's enter key can't have flown *that* far, & should turn up some day soon. A bent paper clip works pretty good in its stead.
So here's some day-old, less-juicy News.
Ever notice that "Dubya" is only a letter removed from "Dumb? YA!"
He's not only dumb, apparently he has a bit of a supressed mean streak. Don't forget that this dude could blow up the world.
Have I linked to Ninjaburger before? I think I have. Now they have a Ninjaburger game. I think. Supposedly you move the little guy using the arrow keys, but I can't get it to work (& that's before I smacked the keyboard around. Actually, I get a better feel from the keys since I did--Maybe I should give the stupid HD a shiatsu with a sledge hammer)
Wow, this is amazing! I don't know if you've heard of this, but apparently there's a tiny wireless video camera that goes anywhere! You can use it for personal security, or to look up blonde women's dresses! I'm sorry, but I've lost the link...Maybe if I'm lucky, it'll turn up again someday.
20% of Americans believe the moon landings were a hoax. Of course, every time they ask Americans if the Sun orbits the Earth, 50% say Yes.
Arthur C. Clarke on the subject:
As a long-time admirer of the United States, I am appalled to hear that a recent poll suggests that 20% of Americans are ignorant fools: I hope the figure is grossly exaggerated, as no other term is strong enough to describe anyone who believes the Moon landings have been faked. If the late unlamented Evil Empire was still around, I might have suspected some of being communist sympathisers attempting to discredit the one achievement for which the U.S.A. may be remembered a thousand years from now. Remembering how quickly Watergate unravelled, how could any sane person imagine that a conspiracy involving *hundreds of thousands of people over more than a decade* would not have done the same? Ben Franklin put it well : `A secret known to three people can be kept - as long as two of them are dead.' And how do these nitwits account for the fact that, for the last thirty years, the laser reflectors and radio sensors on the Moon have been transmitting terabytes of data back to Earth? Who do they think put them there - E.T.s? But I can't waste any more time on lunatics: I am too busy proving that George Washington never existed, but was invented by the British Disinformation Service to account for a certain minor unpleasantness in the Colonies. Sincerely, Arthur Clarke 11 Jul `01.Of course, Clarke's part of the conspiracy, at least according to the weirdo most responsible for this junk, Bill Kaysing. "Being a conspiracy theorist apparently isn�t without risks. Kaysing claims numerous attempts have been made on his life. Once, he insists, a radio transmitter was napalmed during his 1975 appearance on a talk show in San Jose, Calif. 'Of course, that�s been covered up,' Kaysing says."
There's obviously more than 1 light source in the pictures, but the only light source should be the Sun!
Yes, as we all know, the Moon reflects no light whatsoever. That's why, when the Moon is full, it's invisible. There's the REAL proof NASA faked it--They shouldn't have even known there was a Moon there in the 1st place!!
What an IDIOT. What's the only object you can see in the sky when the Sun's out? Of course the Moon reflects light; it reflects light more than the Earth does (it's called "albedo," but Kaysing prly thinks that "albedo" is a person with really pale skin). And the astronauts were wearing white & silver, & their equipment was white & silver...Seems kinda reflective to me.
same mountains can be seen in the distance in some Moon shots! The
astronauts are supposed to be closer, but the mountains are the same
size! It's a Hollywood set!
Yeah, whatever. That makes perfect sense if the Moon is the size of a Starbucks. It's actually almost the size of the planet Mercury. Some of the craters alone are 250 miles across. Its diameter is about the distance from Connecticut to Colorado.
So let's say you're in Colorado. The Rocky Mountains are 50 miles away, & you take a picture of your family with the mountains as a backdrop. Then you have your family walk half a mile closer to the mountains. Will the photo look like the mountains are much closer, now that they're only 49.5 miles away?
Oh yeah. The InEx queue is up to 2. (Note: that is true, not something you should believe if stupid)
The rest of the 2001 Bulwer-Lytton Awards.
Man sues Rite Aid over stale jellybean.
I think that this is funny as Rite Aid was my 2nd-worst-ever job, &
I have no difficulty picturing those unbelievably cheap assholes
putting the same bag of very, very old jellybeans on the shelf for
years, rather than just throwing 99 cents away.
How Cheap Were They? You know those little "penny jars" places have at the registers? When Corporate came, we were instructed to ring up the 8 or so cents in them & give the pennies to Rite Aid. We were told to do the same thing if we found change people dropped on the floor. Company policy--& I'm not making this up--was that if you found a dime on the floor & put it in your pocket, that was STEALING! Ringing the same dime into the register & putting it in Rite Aid's pockets was NOT stealing.
They had a company newsletter that was all about employee theft. There was 1 story about a young girl who was told by the store manager "I found this dollar on the floor. Ring it into the register." She used 35 cents of the dollar to buy herself a can of Coke. She was fired for this "theft." Fired, & NAMED in the newsletter of a company with 2K+ stores.
The following month, the chain's VP (who, by some astronomically unlikely Total Coincidence, happened to the son of the CEO) was arrested for bribing the Ohio board of pharmacists in order to get the chain into that state. The newsletter assured us that it was all a misunderstanding. I quit as soon as I could after that.
Hey, it's Bloated Gas Pain Man's son! "Head Odor"??
that Onion article of a coupla years ago, where the "US Dept of Retro"
frets that Ameriduh is using up nostalgia so quickly, we'll soon run
out of retro? Welcome to 90s Nostalgia. How can FURBY be retro? I can still BUY a Furby in K-Mart! ARRRGGHH! What's wrong withn enjoying TODAY?!
There's "Nevermind" by Nirvana--Ahh, the memories! I remember working at Sam Goody (my 5th-worst job) when we had a big lightbox poster of that album cover, with the naked baby & the hooked dollar. A guy got all irate over it, as he claimed that it was "child pornography." I think that said a lot more about his inner demons than anything else.
are comic strips that I read because they aren't funny. No, not "Cathy"
or "Garfield" or "B.C." Those are normal unfunny. I read the
transcendantly Bizarro World nonhumor ones. Like "Ferd'nand." My
sisters & I as kids would discuss how utterly weird the strip
was/wasn't--"This must be the punchline, it's the last panel." Observe
hungry, but gives his lunch to squirrels! WHY IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE
FUNNY? It would be funnier if the 4th panel had him holding a club
behind his back, & the 5th had him cookin' up a big dinner of
grilled, clubbed, sandwich-fed squirrels! They'd be--Squirrel Club
Sandwiches!! Well, I'D think it was funnier. Hell, clubbing myself
would be funnier than any Ferd'nand.
Or how about the utter...um, "sequitur," I guess you'd call it, that is "Henry." Check out this...gag. Ha ha! It's funny cuz Henry is nice to the lady, then rude when he cuts the lady off to use the phone! Or is it "funny" because--Henry is mute! He don't use no phone!! Why's he using the freakin' phone?!?! He's so mute, Henry has no mouth! How does Henry eat? His awful comic strip sucks the life-force from all that read it. His strip has been around since 1934! Most people who were old enough to read "Henry" 70 years ago are now DEAD. COINCIDENCE?! I DON'T THINK SO!
Adding to Henry's creepiness is that the people are drawn in 3 categories: Neighborhood kids, fat adults, & people who look like Henry. I can see why Henry's mom might look like Henry (though she has a mouth), but why does Henry's girlfriend look like him with pigtails & a dress? And why is she named Henrietta? Is she his less-mutated sister? Then why is she his girlfriend?! That's just creepy! I DON'T UNDERSTAND CREEPY HENRY!
Of course, Popeye's father AND mother look like him, as do his "nephews." His 3, 4 or 5 nephews, who sometimes in the cartoons not only complete each other's sentences, but talk in rhyme, like some freaky Village of the Damned gestalt-y group mind. And then they gain super-strength from a common vegetable & smash your face. I call for a war of extermination, before these inbred mutants cover the globe & drive normal humans into extinction! We must defeat homo Popeyus before they destroy us!
Ever notice how both Henry & Popeye have chins shaped like asses? Makes ya THINK, huh??
Here's something else that'll make you think.
Very late yesterday, i tried to get into the InExOb Archive. I couldn't. Didn't think much about that.
I tried again just now.
Every picture from about Week 130 up is gone.
The News? Every one over #30 is gone. Completely erased. Gone.
Evidentally, late last night Geocities decided that you couldn't have more than 1 account. DID THEY TELL ANYONE THAT? DID THEY GIVE ANYONE THE OPTION OF *PAYING* FOR MORE THAN 1 PAGE? EVEN IF YOU'VE HAD THAT PAGE FOR ***YEARS***???? OF COURSE THEY FUCKING DIDN'T! NIC E BUSINESS MODEL, SHITHEADS! I WOULD'VE PAID YOUR FUCKING BLOOD MONEY BEFORE YOU ERASED EVERYTHING!!
If all that work, ALL THAT WORK, doesn't come back--
FUCK THE WEB.
So, i guess I shouldv'e taken those offers to host inexob.com up. I didn't, and it's GONE, so it DOESNT MATTER.
No more Inexob, no Kk page, noNews, no NOTHING. IT'S ALL GONE.
DO NOT WRITE ME ON THIS SUBJECT UNLESS YOU CAN MAKE ALL THAT WORK, ALL THAT WORK, ALL THAT WORK, COME BACK. OTHERWISE, SHUT UP & FUCK THE GODDAMN WEB!!!!
the only thing in my life that I ever did that ever got any approval from people...gone.
I hate being alive.
You'd never guess that that was written at 230AM in a blind rage, would you?
An Inexplicable Medal of Honor to Gally, who told me that I could use Google to retrieve cached pages. I found all but the 1956 Newsweek Ob & 75% of New35. REALLY sucks to lose most of New35--I was going to collate all the Search Stories into 1 page, & the last installment with the Blimp Squadders is gone, & I was going to do it within the week. But it's better to lose some rather than all, & if I didn't find what I did, you really would've never seen another update here, ever.
Karl reports that I was not alone; other multipage owners have been wiped out without warning. That's not good, but it's a good sign; every time Geo has changed the TOS they've done it with no warning. When they get a backlash of bad publicity & lost accounts, they pull back. Maybe there's a chance my lost page will return. Long enough for me to copy everything & move to crosswinds.net.
What am I gonna do? Sure, I saved most of the missing stuff in time (thankyouthankyouthankyou again, Gally), but I can't put it on this account as there's no room. You can pay for more storage, WHICH I WOULD'VE DONE IF THEY'D WARNED ME, but there's no guarantee these jerks won't change the TOS again. I may try a free account at crosswinds, & if that works out, get a paid account, just like I would've DONE WITH GEO IF THEY'D ONLY WARNED ME.
What was I planning to do with my 3-day weekend next week? Start the Kill Kill page in time for our 2nd anniversary. Put a "don't tell anyone" link here that would've led to a new InExOb. But not now. Thank Gourd I didn't do any of that, & just have more stuff deleted.
And thank Gourd for KK. I know what black hole of depression I would've collapsed into if there wasn't a little white ball of sweetness here to remind me what really matters in life.
Your Assignment For Today...
Another possible lead to recovering my lost data: If you're willing, & have looked at either inexob/arch161 (The "1956 Copy of Newsweek") or http://www.geocities.com/inexob/new/35.html in the last 3 weeks, but HAVEN'T clicked on them since the Disaster happened, go to C:\WINDOWS\Local Settings\Temporary Internet Files and look there; it might be cached. Fastest would prly be to click on "file size" & scroll all the way to the bottom. The full New35 was 70K; it would be nice to retrieve it all, but I'm really looking for the Search Story. Clicking on "internet address" will list everything alphabetically--look under "http://www.geocities.com/inexob"... etc. Don't waste your time if you've tried to look at geo/inexob/ since Thursday; my Temp Files show nothing from that address, prly because I looked at them since they went dead.
Muy thanks to Star Chaser for the tip! He sent it in an email titled "New35 scratching at its coffin lid."
I'm waiting a few days to see if there's any fallout from this Geocities thing. Either way, look here for a New URL on a New server for the News & the last 30 InExObs.
(Woulda paid for it, Geo! Woulda paid for it!!)
If I don't seem to be putting any effort into this, it's because I'm not.
Yeah, that's right. I've learned my lesson with Geo & I'm buying my own domain.
If that's possible.
A few months ago a kindly stranger, out of the goodness of his heart & with the best of intentions (NOTE: I mean that; I'm not being sarcastic here), registered inexob.com with Namezero. Thanks, but no thanks, I very politely thanked him, as I felt that the InExOb was nearing its end. Now, I'm trying to register the domain, and InterNIC tells me that Netzero owns it. Netzero is telling me that NO ONE owns it.
I can't get in, I can't get out. I've written both Netzero & Kindly Stranger on the issue, but who knows what (if anything) I'll hear. So I'm twisting slowly, slowly in the wind while I wait.
Not that inexob.com will be anything remotely exciting at 1st--My main priority will be fixing the InExObs that Geo crippled, then moving anything from my other now-illegal pages to it (I ain't losing Tod Holton, Super Green Beret on top of this!). Then, all the old Obs get moved. Then we look at the Kill Kill & Dream Movies pages. So "new content" won't be an issue for a long time.
And there isn't going to be any new content on this soul-sucking host for a while. I will take votes as to what domain name you think I should take if inexob.com gets inextricably unavailable, though. Mail to firstname.lastname@example.org:
Good gourd I'm tired. 7AM is waaay too early for me to awaken. I'm sure that there's plenty of disdainful snorting going on out there as y'all read that. 1 of the store owners did the same, saying "I have no problem getting up at 6AM!" I said, "But I haven't gotten up that early in a year & a half. Me getting up at 7AM would be like you getting up at *2*AM!"
I was going to go
see Spike & Mike's Festival of Classic Animation tonight with KMDs,
but the sleepiness made me reschedule for tmw. I utterly imploded with
exhaustion at 9:20 last night, & the movie starts at 9. He called
back--despite what the theater email said, it was NOT going to be shown
tmw at 9. In fact, NOTHING is showing at 9 tmw. Most likely, the tiny
art theater of RAW plugged it into the Friday slot without thinking
that films play Fri-Thu, & that they'd have to pay a week's rental
on the print to show it for 1 last Fri night.
Did that make sense? I'm too tired to check.
emailed Netzero about the inexob.com snafu, & surprisingly they
wrote back immediately. A little TOO immediately. I sent them some
info, & they'll tell me what I need to do to get inexob.com. Are
they going to SELL me my free registered domain name?? I guess we'll
see. As to the alternate name possiblities, here's the voting so far:
(in lieu of my blogging of late, try clicking on their pages!)
kirk--(daily link & quote):
"I vote for killkill.net. The cat means a lot to you, and it has a cool sound. .org is just too awkward a syllable."
kim, who got me started on the whole domain name thing--I've known her longer than anybody else online--(Disney Afternoon, Space Ghost, ReBoot, huge heaps-o-lovin' & stuff):
"Honestly, I don't think thoughtviper.com is too long."
mike--Space Ghost's personal lawyer & Transcriptinator:
inexob.com is okay, but that's only one aspect of your site - and it's one that you were prepared to give a semi-permanent vacation. Likewise for killkill.* She's a cute kitty & all, but your site is so much more. Of course, if it were killkill.org, the site could be HERS, and she could delegate some of the content creation to her pet human, BillBill." That was part of my thinking on killkill.org/net, that the running gag would be that it was *her* site. How insufferably cutesy a conceit that might become is a factor as to whether I'd actually do it. (No explanation for his stray footnote after Kill Kill. I REALLY hope that he didn't mean that I'm thinking of putting HER on semi-permanent vacation!!)
vyn--Owner of 1 of a very, very small group (OK, 5) of Live Journals I actually check daily:
ReytheKisaki: how about killkill.cc?
DiaphanousAngel: why not just be simple and go with thoughtviper.com
ReytheKisaki: if it isn't taken
DiaphanousAngel: it's not
ReytheKisaki: then i'd go for it, after all, it allows for all of his stuff...not just the inexob
DiaphanousAngel: thoughtviper.com captures every essence without dwelling on a particular facet of the site.
DiaphanousAngel: lol, yeah, what you said
great minds type alike. two votes from the trailer park faction (well, that reside in houses near trailer parks faction...)
..And Kim again, with this Why Didn't I Think Of That?:
"I just checked, and inexobs.com is available. Inexplicable Objects."
Much to think about. All the arguments are good. I should've mentioned
that I was looking 1st at inexob.com for simple brand recognition, but
now I lean towards thoughtviper.com, due to the logic that the page
will be mostly not inexobs or kill kills. I need to sleep on it.
I need to sleep, PERIOD.
Oh, wait, I said that I'd tell you when SCTV got to the funny eps. Well, they have. Unfortunately, now that they've stopped running them in sequential order from earliest/least funny to later/funnier, NBC's running them in NO order. Despite the fact that they're showing 90-minute eps cut up into 30-minute ones. So there's not a lot of continuity going on.
I meant to post the resulst of the Namezero/Inexob thing last night.
But ya know what? I was too tired. And now I stink of menthol.
I haven't taken up smoking Newports. My current domain name is fuckmydamnshouldershurt.pain, & I'm using Icy Hot. Sounds like a wrestler or a porn star. Or a wrestling porn star. And I could go somewhere with that joke, but I'm kinda in pain & the Icy Hot only works for a while. Summation: I have inexob.com, & if you click on it you'll see it's just the old archive of Obs with a huge ad frame at the bottom. Ow ow ow. Fuck anymore typing. Except to say that now that I have inexob.com, big deal. The voting for the "real" page now is narrowed down to thoughtviper.com or billthesplut.com. I don't use the name "thoughtviper" except as the header on the old page, & as an email address on Hotmail that dates from the same period, 4 years ago. Thanks to kirk for the splut suggestion, I've been in pain since midnight Weds & strained muscles shouldn't hurt that long, goodnight.
I can type for a while, then it gets painful. I've done some email (but
not all) over the last few days. The pain goes away when I'm asleep,
but bursts forth again when I wake up. Right now we're relatively
pain-free. So let's type. Then go "OW," stop, then type again.
Aspercreme doesn't stink like Icy Hot, & uses Trolamine Salicylate, whereas Icy H., America's latest rap star, uses Methyl Salicylate. Hmm, isn't that there information you can use in your daily life. I'm using that info & both tubes of analgesic goo repeatedly, 1 after the other.
On the Name the Page front, I received an email from a fan in the Netherlands offering to mirror the misiing InExObs. It didn't use the magic word "FREE," so we're waiting for more info. Hey, if mirroring works for Pokey the Penguin...!
Yesterday I went to KMDS's house to receive my 3-months-belated birthday gifts (his birthday gifts from me are only 1 month belated! KMDS, he so LAZY). A Beanworld book, 4 CDs of soundtrack MP3s "OW!"
, like, 200 HOURS worth of MP3s. Mainly my beloved Morricone & Rota, but to give you an idea of the breadth, it starts with "Wizard of Oz" & ends with "Memento." And this cheezy Chinese gamepad called either "POWER PLAY" or "SUPER JOY" with old video game ROMs on it. 76,000 games on it!!! (Well, OK, 76 games listed a thousand times each) You just plug its RCA jacks right into your TV! No console needed! But it works inconsistently--crappy to the point of near-unplayable on Dig Dug & nonexistant on at least 1 game, & what they call "Burger Time" is SO not Burger Time--it's some other game so ashamed of itself that there's no title screen. But Galaga, Tetris & others are spot-on-perfect. Highlights include Spartan X, which is the old Nintendo "Kung Fu" game (you know it if you've ever played it--a side-scrolling puncher where you can stand in 1 spot throwing punches, & the bad guys walk right into your fist; you go "BOING!" when you die; your most likely way to die was if the most generic baddies gave you a group hug; & if you die fighting the Level Boss he goes "AWW HAW HAW HAW!" which was THE most amazing thing EVER in 1985 home video games) & an unknown (to me) gem called "Sky Destroyer." This was a WWII flying game. It's totally fun. And it gets better when you realize that the plane you're flying *has Japanese markings*! Yes, like Intellivision's "Sub Hunt," you ARE the American-perspective Bad Guys! There's also something called "Binary." You're a male/female pair of Pokeyesque penguins trapped in a nest of giant spiders, & you can escape with your spider-destroying waves of power, just like in real life. But you move BOTH penguins simulataneously, but in opposite directions! I LOVE "SUPER JOY"!
Well, after a week my shoulder isn't screaming, so I guess I can't use the inability to type as an excuse anymore. Not that I really have anything to say.
30 years ago I
remember my father saying "No one wants to be average, but everyone
wants to be normal." That was certainly true once. Now we have tests
like Are You A Freak?
And of course, today EVERYbody wants to be abnormal. Because the ads
they watch on the Alzheimer's Tube say that you're an INDIVIDUAL! Yeah,
if that was true, they wouldn't be telling you in an ad. In the last 30
years, the key to our Bread & Circuses "democracy" is to make
people think that they're individuals when they're really sheep. I
don't just mean idiots who get Nike tattoos, I mean idiots who get ANY
tattoos & think that that means they're "different." Once several
million people have done the same thing, you're not being different,
you're being unimaginative. I don't care what color you've dyed your
hair or how many piercings you have, if that's the same things your
friends have, you're a conformist. You're just a conformist in a
"I find it sometimes amusing to upset the dignity of teachers, judges, and 'cultured' people" is 1 question. Yeah, I wonder how many people check that 1 who've never been in a front of a judge. Real amusing when you're sentenced for contempt & the butt-raping's begun. Note the emphasis on "cultured"--in Ameri-duh, it isn't cool to be stupid, but it IS cool to NOT be intelligent; & in fact downright mandatory, if you imagine yourself to be cool, to look down on culture. How about the question "I don't care if my peer group thinks I have uncool, lame interests"? That's the real measure of iconoclasm in this country today. To not CARE if people think you're cool. To not be a copy of your peer group, no matter what your age. And "being a freak" is considered mandatorily cool now...So long as you follow the right dress code. A pigeon hole is a pigeon hole, no matter how many dumb birds sit in it.
This confirms my suspicions about many cell-phone users.
signs legislation that would require all Ameri-duh-ians to pull down
their pants, wear rainbow wigs, stick celery stalks up their noses,
& hop around singing N'Sync songs whilst throwing smelly dead
chipmunks at everyone else in the world. Oh, wait--He rejected a UN accord restricting GERM WARFARE because it might hurt AMERIDUHIAN BUSINESS PROFITS.
But to the world, we'll look the same as with the wigs.
I forgot that I can do this. Note the Third One! It's both a self-coined word (like "thoughtviper" via me, or "bill the splut" via Kitty), but 1 that I think sums up the page without making me the focus)
* thoughtviper.com * inexob.com * ameriduh.com7/28
Don't drop a fork on your foot. It can make you bleed. And then you can't run with scissors.
meant to post last night, but The Shoulder Demon attacked me again. I
went over to the beautiful Ms Jessica's place for Movie Night. I
brought Super Joy, as it seemed the type of toy she'd buy for her
father. Forget the movie; we spent all night sitting on the floor
playing it, & that didn't do my back any good. In fact, it still
hurts, 24 hours later.
Jessie's parents owned a video store when she was a kid (in Florida, Vyn!), & they rented the same Nintendo games that were stored as ROMs on Super Joy. She KICKED ASS in all the games the moment she started playing. I was an obsessive Super Mario player back in the day, but I sure didn't instinctively remember where every damn pipe went, or where the invisble bricks were floating. So now she wants 1 for her dad, & another for herself. Her birthday's in a month--Guess what she's getting!
Her little daughter Jacqueline waited for me to come over, just to giggle & get a goodnight hug. She's such a sweetie, just like her mom. She reminds me of my niece Cassie. I wish those 2 kids could get together some time.
Whoops, it's now Mouse Chasing Time with my daughter! I went to Big Lots today & found the Hartz Mt. 3-mouse-packs that the grocery store sells for $2.79 for only 99 cents (Why were they at Big Lots? The normal 2 staples through the cardboard backing had a 3rd, right through the middle mousie's tail. And it stayed there, all sharp & chokingish, unless you carefully pulled it out...Cats may've died from these mice, if their owners were inattentive enough. Nice of Hartz to pass them along to Jerry Van Dyke, Hater Of All That Lives [but who has disappeared from their advertising, no doubt due to the advocacy work of the InExOb!]). I bought 4 packs; I should've bought them all, the way this kid goes through mice.
This isn't very interesting so far, is it?
The name of the upcoming page: thoughtviper.com. Thanks to those who voted.
Thanks to ~*Natalie*~ for adding the 3rd part of the InExOb queue! We're getting there, folks!
Kooks 'R' U.S.
The Skylarov Gambit: You're Next!
Space Ghost fans! Download the Adult Swim MP3s while you can! Where else can you hear the sociopathic alien mantis Zorak sing like a Backstreet Boy?
weeks ago I took Kill Kill in for a physical. Nothing seemed wrong with
her, but, hey--This is the shining star in my life, & I want to
find out if anything's wrong with her early.
Needless to say, SHE HATED IT. Poor girl. She freaks when she's put in the cat carrier, even when it's the 10-minute round trip of getting her claws trimmed. But she knows when it's the Vet, the place with the needles. She clawed at every passing object to keep from being taken from the room I was in. They took blood & urine samples, which I'm pretty glad I didn't have to witness (especially the blood). While she was waiting in her carrier to go home, whatever they gave her to make her pee kicked in again & she went. Jabbed with needles, terrified, & now this...You know how cats love cleanliness, & here she was peeing outside the litterbox. I don't think I was anthropomorhising too much when I say that her facial expression went from miserable to humiliated. Insult added to injury. "Don't you worry, honey," I said as I drove her home, "you won't have to go back to that place for a year!"
When I got home I looked at the bill & saw that she was due for booster shots 6 weeks later.
No WAY! She's been traumatized enough for 1 year! These are all "outdoor cat" shots anyway!
I got the reminder 10 days ago & immediately made an appointment. She's never been outdoors, except for 1 time when she was a kitten, & then she just looked around, buried her face in my lap & SCREAMED like she never has before or since. Her "outside" is the common hallway; the doors have springs to close them, & she runs from any person who enters. But there are many outdoor cats here: What if 1 ran in the door before it closed? Knowing KK, she wouldn't run, she'd fight. And if she got leukemia or FIV, who'd be traumatized then?
The appointment was for today, as I always have Mon off. Just not THIS Monday. So I had to leave work, jam her into the carrier (which was set on end, so that gravity could help me; sure enough, she somehow got 1 leg free enough to clamp on the outside of it, but I got her in eventually). I almost wish I had a camera when I got to the vet's: She was scared stiff, but she had the tiny tip of her tongue sticking out. Even when terrified, she's cute! I got the usual "She's so beautiful!" I always get when she's in public, & she was so scared that she didn't even notice the needle going in (thank Gourd!).
We went home, i let her out of the carrier at the bottom of the stairs & she shot up 3 flights in almost as many seconds. She impatiently howled as I gave her some Friskies wet food, which she began demolishing--until I had to leave to go back to work. I try to do the vet appointments on days off so that she knows that I'm home & everything's back to normal. She stopped eating & stared at me--a very alert, frightened stare. When I arrived home 3 hours later, she did what she always does, greet me at the door; but she also does what she never does, HOWL "Yeow! Yeow! Yeow!!" She wanted much more petting than usual. She didn't calm down until I changed clothes like I always do. Then she knew I was home, & everything was normal.
That's the last time she goes to the vet till next year! (one hopes!)
Guest hosting blogging: Karl wants to take the Zorak Sings N'Syncy MP3s & rename AS N'Sync songs on a Mac version of Napster. His song titles are:
N'sync_-_Also Sprach Zarath.mp3 N'sync_-_Thunder & Lightnin.mp3 N'sync_-_Four Last Songs.mp3 N'sync_-_Wine, Woman & Song.mp3 N'sync_-_Never Enough.mp3 N'sync_-_Strange Phenomena.mp3 N'sync_-_Enochian Calling.mp3 N'sync_-_Enormous Penis.mp3 N'sync_-_Christiansands.mp3 N'sync_-_Voodoo Child.mp3 N'sync_-_House 2 Step Mix.mp3 N'sync_-_Pet Shop Boys Mix.mp3 N'sync_-_Vinna Kinky Roligt.mp3 N'sync_-_The Yodel Of Life.mp3And Star Chaser sends this: Finally, the heroin-addict look gets it's own magazine. I wrote back, "Then why isn't Callista Flockheart the cover girl?" He responded, "Too skinny, I think. I wonder if they make her wear one of those padded boxing helmets between shots to keep her from cutting anyone with those cheekbones..."
Some thoughts on cats vs dogs via Ebert: "Ever notice how aggressive alpha-male dog lovers are sometimes hostile toward cats, but how cat lovers almost universally NEVER say, 'I hate dogs?' Ever hear of a cat lover spinning a dog around by its tail?"
I had to work today, but that only means a FOUR DAY WEEKEND starting Sat. As warned, I'll just be fixing the damage Geocities did to start, but thoughtviper.com (or...billthesplut.com...) will debut at some point. Eventually there'll be new stuff. And, yes, I hope that this will be a part of it.
Eww, ick. August. Summer's half gone.
If you've read about my raving on Super Joy & said, "Hey, where can i get me some of that Super Joyful action?" you can buy it here. No info on what it COSTS, mind you. I emailed them & I'll let you know when I do. I already have oreders for 3 here.
Dress your Ken doll up--as Hitler! The page also has this odd pic--"Ach du leiber! Should'nt'a had that last bratwurst! Wish I'd taken some Dramamine; I always get tank-sick! I--I think I'm gonna puke my Nazi guts out! SIEG--HUUURL!!!"
The last Star Wars Missile Defense was rigged. Apparently, so were the last few, & those failed anyway. In an un(?)related story, I saw a poll that now had Bush's approval rating is now below 50%, which is pretty telling for a guy who's been president for such a short time.
Pictures of people on drugs. More interesting than it sounds.
Wow, that was quick--In the time it took me to type this, I got an email with Super Joy's pricing. $19.95, $4.75 shipping. I saw it on another site & they wanted $69.95!
Wow...Look at those mispellings, duped words, & a bad link! (I left out the "http://") Well, too bad that that's going to have to stand as my last words on Geocities. As thoughtviper.com is here!!
what I've been hoping to type for the last 48 hours. But I'm still
waiting for my confirmation email from readyhosting.com. It sure looked
like they took my money, but there's no thoughtviper.com there yet. I
wrote tech support. They promise to respond in 1 business day, which
would be Tues, so I guess my 4 day weekend won't be spent on the new
And it NEEDS to be worked on. You missed the heart attack that occured when Geo refused my password. 2 years ago, they required that you add ".geo" to your username, & gave the usual Geo early warning about the change (NONE!). For a minute I thought that they'd killed my entire site, but on Try #3 I correctly guessed that now you DOESN'T needs the ".geo". Warning of change from Geo: None. The sooner I get my files off this page, the better.
Not better for YOU, of course, as that just pushes any new content further into the future. I do have some new ideas; not stuff that's been gestating within my brain for months, but stuff that popped into my head late Thurs night that I think are open-ended enough that I might be able to continue them kinda regularly.
I didn't sleep well Thurs night. Damn brain! Do your storming on nights when I don't have to go to work the next day!
So today was supposed to be Work on thoughtviper.com, but instead became Do Nothing Day. I wasted time on that greatest of rarities, a Cruel Site of the Day that's worth reading. There's a LOT here (so much that his Geo site might seek extra space & get shut down like me). No way have I plumbed its depths, but this is typically amusing.
wasted most of the day reading (via Kirk Israel) the rules to BrikWars.
Miniature wargaming isn't my particular cup of mayhem, but this game is
obviously aware of the inherent silliness of playing a game with
warriors made from Legos. Note the major combatants,
& descriptions like the SpaceNinja: "In every SpaceMan training
class, there is one mysterious SpaceKid. He doesn't participate in
class discussions, and no one can tell what he's thinking. These
SpaceKids mystify their teachers, and so their teachers pawn them off
on some Ancient ZenMaster or another.
Invariably, it turns out these SpaceKids are just nearsighted, but by the time anyone finds this out it is too late and they are well on their way to becoming a SpaceNinja." SpacePirates are described as only being able to survive the vacuum of space by being too stupid to know that they need to breathe oxygen. And their mightiest weapon is a monkey! Hooray for SpacePirates!!
As for original content, I wroted a thing on the Space Ghost list. Here is the thing what I wroted:
So I'm driving to work today a bit late, and as I hit my exit I'm passed by a van. It's custom paint job reads:
Their corporate mascot is a big, beefy superhero in a black hood. Change his yellow suit to white & a few other coloring details, and I think that you can guess who he seemed to be based on.
Mind you, we were in different lanes & I was late for work. Otherwise I would've pursued the van to make sure. It could've been ripped from an earless Warner Batman, but the pose was total SG. I'll keep my eye out for it.
I suppose that it must suck to gain a superpower, but only have it to be the ability to replace hubcaps. But that must happen all the time in the superhero world. For every Peter Parker that becomes a Spiderman, there's a luckless slob that gains his powers & proportional strength from being bitten by a radioactive baby. "Gerberman, Gerberman, does whatever a baby can. Drools a lot, pukes his food, fills his Huggies with something rude..."
At least Dr Hubcap can eke out a living with his uncanny mutant ability
to make hubcaps. That's not a real primo crime-fighting ability. Even if
you could throw hubcaps like Captain America throws his shield, it's not
like being hit with a hubcap's going to slow down any supervillian tougher
GALACTUS: "I AM GALACTUS!"
"CHOW-DOWNER OF WORLDS!"
"PEOPLE OF EARTH! I SKIPPED BREAKFAST AND I AM LIKE SOOO STARVING RIGHT NOW!"
"I'D EAT JUPITER, BUT GAS GIANTS ALWAYS MAKE ME FART! I--HEY, WHO KEEPS THROWING FRIGGIN' HUBCAPS AT MIGHTY GALACTUS?! IT'S REALLY GETTING ANNOYING!!"
DR HUBCAP: "I DID...err...I mean...Umm, it was Space Ghost!" (runs away)
SPACE GHOST: "Did NOT! Brad Ghostal, you come back here!"
What was Captain America's theme song is his old 60s cartoon? Didn't it go something like "Villians have to yield, When Captain America throws his mighty shiiiield"? What would Dr Hubcap's song be, when he "throws his rusty hubcaaaap"? All I can think that would rhyme would be something like "Criminals get a '78 chrome Camaro bitch slap" or "Villains, their pants they surely will crap."
I suppose that everybody reads the Yahoo Picks of the Week, so there may be no point in mentioning this weird site that puts Xtian lyrics to every possible song. The idea is to make their tWitnessing more appealing to the yung'uns, but...using "Smells Like Teen Spirit" or "Californication"? Here they're "Smells Like Holy Spirit" & "God's Creation." "We Will Rock You" gives us "Jesus Was A--COOL DUDE!" How about the entire section of TV themes? Like this antievolutionist ditty to the Monkees theme:
"Hey! Hey! We�re not monkeys!
Never drank primordial soup!
We�re the folks God created
Not an evolutional fluke!"
And there's 2 versions of "The Flintstones" (including "Jesus! Worship Jesus! Have a yabba-dabba-do time,
A Spirit filled time, We'll see revival come!")
Of course, no lyrics are going to sound intelligent when they're sung to the theme from "Mr Ed." But the best part of the site is the general cluelessness, such as this rhyme from her version of Exodus sung to "Walking in a Winter Wonderland":
"What we eat is this manna
Oh, for meat! Or a banana!
Water is fine, but we'd rather have wine!
Wand'rin' in a desert wilderness."
Yes, the site appears to be For Real. Wow, a born-again not realizing how goofy she appears to normal people, what a shock.
Now I'm inspired! I think I'll use "Winter Wonderland," too!
Okay, I hear you whisperin'
"Should I go Pagan or be Christian?"
Be a Christian or fry, & I'll tell you why,
Cause Sodom & Gomorrah went buh-bye!
Sodomites, they were sleazy,
And Gomorrans most disease-y.
Each place was a sty, so they had to die,
And Sodom & Gomorrah went buh-bye!
They're an awful pair of sinful cities,
Not a single holy lad or lass;
All the ladies showing off their titties
While all the boys would take it up the ass.
God looked down, started pukin',
Said "Those places need a nukin'!"
Their sexual toys are now null & void,
As Sodom & Gomorrah got destroyed!
So be a Pagan at your own risk,
And be toast when God is all pissed.
You'll learn too well, that flesh-burning smell
When you're roasting in the firey pits of Hell!
A ruthless look at the Webby awards, focusing on the self-obsessed over-trendy dotcom losers in attendance. "I recall a smirking self-referentiality, with presenters and entertaining videoclips poking fun at the industry itself, copping to the disaster, alluding to the crash, laughing it away. Shit. It wasn�t their money. I recall circumambient sampled tweetings, and the pum-pum-pum of synthesized bass drums and torrents of noise and applause and a deep atmosphere of white-kid entitlement. We were playing dress-up in Daddy�s opera house, and drinking his liquor, after we�d wrecked his Benz."
I can't BELIEVE I'm still typing here.
Yes, I now have my magic sparkly domain name. I just have no idea how to DO anything with it (NegaducKim says wait for the emailed instructions on FTPing the HTML).
SO HOT HERE. Forget 99 in the shade, it's 50 in THE REFRIGERATOR. I
spent the day worrying about Kill Kill in her worst-ever heat wave. I
live in a 3rd-floor condo on the crest of a high hill that faces due
west that's made of brick (the condo, not the hill). They make OVENS
from brick, & for good reason. Bricks lose heat verrry slooowly. I
woke up repeatedly overnight to drink cool, cool water from the
less-than-cold fridge. Every time, I was greeted by KK making her
complaining yell: A variant on "eeeYOW!" that means "Make this STOP!"
This morning I left 3 fans going, all pointing to Kill Kill's fave cool-off hidey spots: courtyard window, under the 70s coffee table, & the bathtub. She was fine when I got home, of course, being a smart enough kitty to figure out that the fans meant "Cooling." She'd even dragged a toy mouse into the tub to play with, so she couldn't have been THAT hot. But she immediately demanded OOUUTT! (pronounced "eeAAOOWT!") into the common hallway. There's only 1 window & it faces the sunless courtyard, so it's cooler than in here. Fuck, anything short of the heart of the SUN is cooler right now than in here. It's been 4 hours, & she's only come in from there once.
Random Philosopher Quote Thingie. On my 1st try, I got "Cicero: 'There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it."
There's a pop-under ad with the dread title ORBITZ sitting in my taskbar. If I click on it, it won't pop up so that I can make the damned thing go away. It's like a silverfish under the baseboard; you rarely see 1, but when you do, you can't stop thinking about how they're there. Lurking. Hiding. PLOTTING. And the only way to get rid of them is to burn the house down. (Or hit "restart," as the case may be)