Welcome fellow INTERNAUTS!

"There is a reason for that, it is that you cannot to sell its. The actual-liking of the public is depraved they does not read who for to amuse one's self ant but to instruct one's."--English As She Is Spoke


1 of the reasons the New went into hibernation was the lack of SHAWTs. Not that I get any less of them; but after 16 months they weren't getting any different. We still get that ancient woman who wants her pint of "Popeye" vodka, but how many times can you riff on that?
Possibly the full moon/Friday the 13th combo explained today's SHAWT rampage.

SHAWT #1: Where's your marsala wine?
ME: (walks over to the shelf, leans down to the bottom shelf, makes a sweeping gesture) Allll right here.
S1: Thank you!
I walk a few steps away.
S1: Wait! Where did you say it was? It's on this shelf, right? (points to middle shelf)
ME: No, (points), the BOTTOM shelf.
S1: Oh, yes! The TOP shelf!
Of course, once they found the shelf, they couldn't find any of the 5 different brands of Marsala, & I ended up crouching down & physically putting my finger on each 1.

SHAWT #2: Do you take empties?
ME: Yep.
S2:...cuz I have a lot of empties?
ME: Yep, we take em.
S2: Can I take this cart?
ME: Yes.
S2:...to put my empties in?
ME: Yep.
S2:...and then bring them into the store?
ME: Yes.
S2:..then, can I use the cart to shop?
ME: Yes.
S2:...after I've taken the empties out?
ME: Yesssss.
S2:...cuz I still have shopping to do?
What part of "YES" don't you understand?

The next Special Person insisted that 2 of the 11 bottles she bought had rebates on them. Yes, I said, the 2 bottles of Savory & James sherry that you bought had rebates. This wasn't clear enough, as I had to repeat this 8 times, with the woman & her daughter each pulling every 1 of the 11 bottles out of the box I'd put them in to find that mysterious 2nd rebate. When that was finally done, I carried the box out to their van (after asking twice that 1 of them carry the 12 pack of beer that I couldn't carry along with the loaded box, & asking the daughter if that was her pile of AAA material that she'd forgotten on the counter). The daughter asked repeatedly if the box would "wreck my car seats." Well, the box prly weighs a fraction of your weight, & if your hefty ass doesn't ruin the rich Corinthian leather of your minivan's seats--well, then no.
I had to squeeze the box onto the back seat. Cuz it was sharing it with a DESK. Which was on the seat, feet 1st...
It was redundancy day, apparently. As redundant as a "NOW HIRING" sign outside a McDonalds.

A guy had a huge tattoo that ran the length of his shoulderblades. He was wearing a muscle T, so I couldn't read the whole thing. But it began with "CON" & ended with what looked like "UT." The only word I can think of that's that long is..."CONNECTICUT." Hey, I like living here too, but, JEEZ! Maybe the nape of his neck had a tat of his street address, so if he gets really lost, he can stamp his forehead & mail himself home.
We tried to theorize what else it could've spelled. "Conan Nut," as he's a big fan of nutty Conan O'Brian? Or insane barbarians? Maybe he has a girlfriend named Connie the Slut?

Anyone besides me see the glimmer of themselves in this?


Here's a pair of SHAWTs I didn't have time to put up last night:

A girl gives us her ID, which is cut into 4 pieces. After you've seen enough IDs, you can tell the difference between broken & cut up. Cut up is what happens when you present a fake ID at some clubs. They take it, smirk, destroy it, give you the confetti, & tell you to fuck off. She, in a very loud snotty voice, said "OHHH, so you don't take IDs that have been washed!" & stormed out the door. "How'd she wash it, in a blender?" I said to general laughter from the rest of the customers.
Another guy tried to pay with his check card. When it didn't go through, he said he'd go to the bank ATM. When he returned, he didn't have any cash. He wanted to pay with a check. A CHECK! Of course I refused it, & was told that I was "rude" & "That's an insult!" I just looked at the eediot--there's no money in your CHECKING ACCOUNT, retard. Taking a check from you would be like taking some shiny pebbles. I was just glad that he didn't try writing a check in the 1st place.

I paid my 1st visit to Jessica's swingin' bachelorette pad Fri. Very nice 2-story townhouse, & done up in a way that can only be called Jessicariffic, with a little shelf by the door with a monthly holiday scheme, & another with little toys like a Pee Wee Herman clip-on. Her computer was not the 386 Ron warned me about, unless they made 386s with CD-ROM drives. Yeah, & they made Speak & Spells with DVDs, too. I think it was a 90mz. Still a relic, but functional (until it would run out of virtual memory & crash). Ron claimed that he couldn't get her email on it, but I think that he's just trying to get her to accept the free computer he wants to give her. I think I convinced Jess that a free new computer IS AN OFFER TO TAKE UP. But I got her into Hotmail & she sent Ron a wise-ass email about how we apparently got it to work. "Let me know if you don't get this email!" she added, at my suggestion.
She hadn't checked her Hotmail in 2 months. She had 652!! pieces of mail, all but about a dozen of them spam. Funny how I never got even a single piece of spam from hotmail until Microsoft bought it.

Latest thing I found by backtracking the hits for the Ob: hoopee.com. Sorta like a bargain-basement Pigdog. I find it TRES amusant that the link after the InExOb is Baron Von Raschke..."Der CLAW!!" as we used to scream at each other while holding our hands in *just that way*, back in the Kay Bee Toy days of the early years of Idiot Wrestling. Well, for about a week. Wrestling loses its cachet very quickly, if you're not a moron.

Well, this wasn't worth writing. I think I'll go mildly alter my body chemistry while watching a movie.


Favorite domain name regularly spotted reading the InExOb: gothpoodle.com.

This will make you laugh.

This will make you not laugh.

I don't know what this will make you do. "Cradle to crave"??


Word for the Day: Outgassing.
Yesterday's entry was brief, as I was mysteriously getting sick again. It happened right after I shut the window, & began smelling the same odd chemical odor I'd noticed the day before, after coming inside from The Last Beautiful Day Before Spring. I eventually found the culprit: an old insecticide fogger under the leaky sink. It was corroded from the dampness & slowly outgassing its evil contents.
What concerns me is that if it affected me, it must've affected Kill Kill. But how do you tell if a cat doesn't feel well? Sunday I noticed that she was whiny, which usually means "Pet me!" or "Play with me!" But she didn't seem to want either. As a new parent, I worry.

Whining sometimes means "I wanna go out!" "Out" means the common hallways, not the deadly outside world. The flourescent light in the back hallway yesterday was burning out when I opened the door, flashing on & off with a little *ping* noise. It was like the world's slowest strobe light in the world's quietest disco. But KK paced around the floor, making her "Ee ow? Ee ow??" noise of confusion. Then she did flopped on her back & just stared at it. Grrrroooovy, man...Check out the light show! And don't bogart that catnip, dude!
I let her out just now, & the 1st thing she did was flop on her back & stare at the light. But the light has ceased to blink. BUMMER.

Speaking of cats, I went to the monthly store wine tasting. The speaker referred to a Sauvignon Blanc as "catty." "That's what they call this bouquet in England, " he explained. "Cuz it smells like cat pee."
That's what I'm telling people from now on! "Of course I cleaned the litter box! I just had a wine tasting is all!"

I just received an email telling me that the InExOb is featured on this page. Imagine my joy! It's 1 of those cheesy page o' links things, I get a whopping 2 out of 5 rating (why bother to list something you have that low an opinion of?), AND he gets the name wrong! Boy, lemme clean out a space on my trophy shelf fer THIS!

I'm a lot better than I used to be in handling reader contributions. I have ones I've never used simply cuz I'm too embarassed to admit I've lost the name of the person who sent it. Chad (oh yeah, that's the guy's name!) must've tired of waiting for me, so he set up his own display of the Looney Tunes gang with their faces torn off & their corpses turned into kitchen utensils. Just the thing for that mutual fan of Taz & Ed Gein on your gift list.

Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah. I keep forgetting to mention this (also true) story that didn't make it into the Ob.
During WWII, the Soviets came up with the Dog Bomb. This was pretty much what it sounded like; you strapped a time bomb on a poor pooch. The Russians trained the dogs to associate the undersides of tanks with food. The plan was to release the dogs into the path of German Panzers, & blow them up.
So came the fatefull day that the Dog Bomb was to be unleashed (ha ha! unLEASHED!). There was 1 slight miscalcualtion: The dogs were trained using RUSSIAN tanks. Guess which ones they ran under...The Commies were routed. Ahh, an irony even PETA would appreciate.


A silly Java-based game, like "Bard's Tale" reduced to its barest bones: Dragon's Court.

I still prefer the ultra-minimalism of Enchanted Forest.


SHAWT: New variation on the "reason I don't have my ID": "It's not for me, I'm just buying it."
What really made it is that it was the girl from 10/15, who had an ID cut into 4 pieces. This time she brought her boyfriend as her catspaw, as his ID was in better shape.
By which I mean that his was in 3 pieces.

From the Psychoceramics ML:

    "It's a collage portrait of L. Ron Hubbard. I like L. Ron's face and I think he's a quack, so who better to make funky art with?
    That's how my brain works, anyway. Some of the critics in alt.religion.scientology ask me why on earth they would want a likeness of a criminal psychopath hanging on their walls. My response: because he looks so DAMN good with a green nose.

    In an attempt to really stir up some contraversy, I had a friend of mine call up the 1-800-for-trut(h) Scientology number and report me. This will almost certainly assure that I get an entire file with my name on it somewhere in the bowels of the Scientology headquarters. Hurray!

    My friend quickly blathered to the woman on the phone that I was evil and bad and possibly a communist, that my father is a former nazi, and that I'd made a portrait of L. Ron that is cruel and wrong. She told my friend to call the OSA -- which is the dirty tricks department of the Scientology machine. My friend did so.

    As of yet, the Scientologists have made no effort to contact me, kill me, break into my home, or pamphlet my neighbourhood with rumours that I rape dead babies while reading the Satanic bible. Damn them. Have they gotten lazy over the years?

    If any insanity -- lawsuits, violence, murder, obscene phone calls -- result from my efforts, I'll be sure to tell all of you about it. So far I am disappointed. I am led to understand that the OSA is somewhat powerless in Canada, as we Canucks tend to be a little intolerant of crazy cultists who harrass people to death. Perhaps that's why no dead cats have been nailed to my door so far." Nik

You can view it here, on eBay. Nice, but not...$405 nice.

Coincidentally, today I did a cartoon of another crazed & evil self-proclaimed God, also with a green nose. You'll have to see next week's InEx to get the context, though.


The headline sez it: "Mom Foils Son's N-Sync Murder Plot." Ya know, there IS a thing called justifiable homicide. In typical post-Columbine hysteria, it's never mentioned that this could've been A JOKE. When I was in high school, I drew up a plan to overthrow the US government (if you're wondering, I didn't try it).

I noticed a sudden spike in InEx hits, & all from .br (the UK). Oh boy, I musta got me a new web mention! Hope the Brits aren't pissy about me reminding the world of the Pigeon Shit Bomb. I traced it back, & it's in England, all righty or cor blimey or whatever. And it's in Esperanto. Or, um, Interlingua or something. Waitaminnit--.uk is the UK! .br is BRAZIL! (If you can't read Portugese--Well, if you speak Ingles you can still get the gist of it)

 - A incr�vel capacidade da humanidade em produzir
objetos bizarros � o tema desse divertido site.
A partir de colabora��es de internautas no
mundo todo, toda sorte de coisas estranhas �
exposta � an�lise cruel dos autores. Destaque
tamb�m para a se��o 'Link inexplic�vel da
semana'. Em ingl�s.
I really can't follow that 2nd sentence, though I think "internautas no mundo todo" might mean the WWW. Well, off to Babelfish to see if they do Portugese, & to rename the InEx Link for the next week!

And here it is, in typical babelfish pidgin:

The incr�vel capacity of the humanity in producing objects bizarros is the subject of this
amused site. From contributions of internautas in the world all, all luck of strange things is
displayed to the cruel analysis of the authors.
Prominence also for the section 'inexplicable Link of the week '. In English.
Oh, c'mon, Babelfish! Even I know that "incrivel" means "incredible"!
On the other hand...
We've had aquanauts & astronauts, cosmonauts & psychonauts...INTERNAUTS! I LOVE THIS WORD!!!! THANK YOU BRAZIL! YOU'VE GOT AN AWFUL LOT OF COFFEE THERE I HEAR!


What's with the new international interest in the InExOb? English speaking nations, sure, but just now I discovered a French page.
Babelfish, in it's infinite oddness, translates the blurb as "What is useless with the one...Unexplainable objects proposes each week an object whose existence is unexplainable by a judicious person." You know what I find unexplainable as a judicious person? ///warning:easy joke coming/// Liking Jerry Lewis & snails more than showering.
It's too bad that Babelfish can't translate Japanese ads about big-boobed rabbits...I am reminded of a birthday party for KMDS I went to many a moon ago. He was given a book on, I forget, freaks or something. I opened it at random & saw the picture that made me exclaim "EWWW! 'Elephantisis of the Testicles'? I coulda gone my whole LIFE without seeing this!!" Poor Japanese raccoon...

Work-related drama: At our main store, a nice-but-slackerish teenaged coworker put in her notice 2 weeks ago. She was scheduled to work the next Sat night, but came down with "food poisoning" 15 minutes before the start of her shift. When it was discovered that she went to a party that same night, the owners called her to tell her to not bother with coming in anymore. She didn't have a problem with that.
It appears that she gave a different version of the event to her parents, as her mother came into the main store today (the 1 I don't work in, so this is 2ndhand). She demanded to know why her daughter was fired. Somehow this escalated to the point where the cops were called by 1 of the owners. When the guy making the call connected with the police dispatcher, she screamed "STOP HITTIN' ME! STOP HITTIN' ME!" like Bill Manspeaker on Space Ghost. The guy assured the dispatcher that No, no one was being hit, but that's what the Crazy Lady told the cop when he arrived.
Quote from the owner: "From now on, before we hire someone we're interviewing the parents."

Sneak Peek at the current front runner for the next InExLink, Scrumpdillyishusland. "Closer" is the highlight, though the parody of backward masking "Sunday School" is funny once.

Spotted at the close-out store: A book titled "The Idiot's Guide to Stock-Car Racing." Like they really needed to modify the word "guide."

If you're wondering what inspired this week's InEx, it was 1 sentence in a long (but very interesting) article: "The Jolly Green Giant can never be shown shaking his fist."


Idly checking my page referrals, I found that the main search engine inquiry for that email to Kitty was "+cartoon +forks +kitchenware". uh-huh.
Of course, looking at something like this leads to a deep need to check for more. (And it's a very strange synchronicity that just yesterday, via The Null Device, I saw a page dedicated to just this phenomenon).

New 2: "4" (What? 4?? That search must've returned 1,652,047 hits with 100% matches)

New 5: "spooncat." This makes sense, actually; it's a band that linked to the InExOb, & also how Miss Gunn found me.

And my fave--New 10: "shitting outside." Hope ya found what you were looking for, pal!

Why I woke up thinking about the old 70s Buck Rogers show is a mystery. Why it set off this chain reaction thinking in the shower is another. The beedy-beedy-beedy show was set in New Chicago. This seems to be a running theme with bad set-in-the-future-after-the-Apocalypse sci-fi. The city gets smashed by Aliens or Bigfeet or whatever, & then becomes known as New Pittsburgh. Has this ever really happened? It's not like people called it New Chicago after that giant fire, or New San Francisco after the 1906 quake. Jerusalem has been devastated enough times to be named New New New New Etc Jerusalem by now. Was Manhattan once a place called York City which was destroyed? If it happened again, would it be called New New York City, or Newer York City? Or New York New York, New York? Why "New," & not "We've Grown Past That Bigfeet Invasion Phase Now, Thank You, York"? Or "Fred" or "Tony"?

I'm not 100% sure what it is, but I WANT 1! (Ah, crap--I'll bet that it only works on PAL TVs!


Wow, you really can buy anything online.

Any page that sucks up to me as much as Lunamoth's journal must be mentioned. She is 1 of the discoverers of the controversial Hello Kitty Vibrator, & is like our beloved Sailor Kitty, but with her blood replaced with Happy Caffeinated Jellybeans & Atomic Pink Prozac.

If there's 1 last burning question left in this modern age, it must be "What the hell's up with them Japanese woodland critters with the bouncy boobs from the InEx?" And here's the answer, thanks to Star Chaser Tyger.


Can I smelll u? Pleeze, just a sniff! A sniff is all I ax! Hold out yor hand... snif snif! BITE! HAHAHA! I smell yoo just to bite yoo, & yoo fell 4 it! Ha ha! Let me do it again!

HELO! I am Kill Kill!!!! eeeOOWW! I so hapy 2 see yoo, I fal on my back & offer my tummy for yoo 2 rubb! YES, rub me! Rubb my tummy and now STOP THAT! I hav had enough. I will wlk away & lick me now.
Licking yourself is importent. Make sure to lick yorself evryday! That wood be my advice to all yoo kids. I want yoo to tell yor parents, "this site on Web said I should lick me!" then giv them the this site. I bet it gets lotsof hits now!! Mommy will b prod!
My SurroMom (surrogate mother) is not updatting these page. So I do! I have just lerned to type just now. afTer menny nights of watching Tall Food-Giving Creature SurroMom, I hav to know keybord!!!! GIVE ME CAT TREETS YOU COMPOOTER!
hmm. Compooter dose not give me treets. If I bat the keybord with my paws, maybe it will? No? Licking myself may work! Lick lick lickety lick! What? NO?! licking mysef ALWAYS works! I must use my wepon of last dessert!


Again is me, Kill Kill! Mommy is now the 1 asleep! He is on floor, holding an empty bottle of sumthing that dose not smell good to me.
I will be like Mommy & complane about dum stuff! But Mom has SHAWT, I having SDASASCTD! (Stoopid DOGS Are STOOPID And SMELL Cuz They DUM!)
No what? DOGS ARE STOOPID and SMELL! They are big LOUD MOUTHES! They think the height of the soshul season is SNIFFING BUTTS!!! No what else they do?? Do yoo??? If yoo give a pretty CAT a good bowl of foods, CAT will nibble the kibble & go "It is a nice, round IAMS chicken & rice, with an insouciant tang & a full-forward chickeny thing in the mouthe that makes with the lip-licking. I will sav the rest 4 later." Than I will walk aways to look out window & comtemplait life.
Stoopid smelly DOG will eat it ALL, then smash open dog-food cabinet to STEEL ALL FOOD & eat, eat EAT till (& this is very gross) eat till it PUKES. Than it will EAT the PUKE!!!!! KILL KILL IS NOT MAKING THIS UP!!!!
That is SO GROSS!! CATs have this rool: "If it comes out your body, it did it 4 A REASON!! LEAVE IT! Leave it on the floor, in Mommy's shoes, or under the bedsheets, but DON't make it GO BACK IN!"

I hav maid some JOKES you will go laff at!

    "What is that awfull stink??" It is a DOG! HAHAHAHA!

    "Why did GOD make the DOG stink so smelly??" So blind people could find them & KICK THEM! HAHAHA! I am funny!!

    "What is the only kind of dog that dose not EAT it's PUKE?" A dog that hasn't PUKED YET!!

AHHH---HAHAHAHA! Thats my faverite!! Yoo can also use it with "What dog dose not sniff BUTTS?--1 with NO NOSE! or LICK BALLS?--NO TONGUE!!" if yoo want 2 b life of cat party!!
I will hav menny mor jokes 4 yoo soon! hear is a cartune I just draw!!

HA HA HA! I am Kill Kill, Queen of the World! I am on my throan! The dog, he is very sad cuz he has 2 work the Catnip Mines wear their is no butts to sniff! And he is thinking, "Boy, it is no fun when yoo hav to eat yor own puke EVERY DAY!!!"

HAHAHA! Mommy always sez that I am a funy cat!!


OK, so I'm not being very communicative of late. Eh, you'll live.

Listen to some block-rockin beats & GO GREEN GO! GO GREEN GO!

Defection Day

In my 6th election, I'm finally voring FOR someone, rather than against someone else. Ralph won't win, but let's hope Mr Stupid loses. I just heard Andy Taylor's radio show end with, "If you can't trust him to drive you home from a party, why trust him to run the ship of state?"

The polling place had its usual little group of Dems & Repubs, & 4 teenagers holding up a piece of red construction paper with black lettering flopping in the breeze that I think said "Ralph." Jeez, I thought that the Greens were smart. I would've used white paper taped to cardboard with green, readable lettering. I voted for every Green candidate (all 1 of him), went Dem for the rest, & voted YES to end the Office of the Sheriff. No, he does not walk down CT main streets at high noon defeating desperate desperadoes. He transports prisoners from jail to court & back. THAT'S IT! The Sheriff's Office is a venal, corrupt patronage system. It was in the news last election for having a "voluntary donation" from the deputies that the Sheriff personally picks. A month's pay, I believe it was. If you declined to "volunteer" this money, the Sheriff fired you. What finally brought it to public notice was when a woman guilty of not paying a parking offence was thrown into a truck full of hardened criminals. Before the deputies had shut the door, 1 said "I can't wait to my hands on those tits!" Then she was gang-raped. She screamed her head off the entire time, but the deputies had turned off that annoying intercom to the back.
Sadly, it's 1 of those things that most people don't know about, so it could be defeated simply by being ignored. The Sheriff's Office ran radio ads, in which their only lame defense was that "This is the way it's been for over 300 years." Which puts them in the same timeframe as witch trials.

Speaking of turning back the clock, Public Radio rather unwillingly ran an ad for Pat Buchanan. I don't know why, but his wimpy voice always throws me. I always expect it to be of a Linda Blair "Exorcist" voice. He babbled about the rights of "European Americans" (hmm, could that be code for something?) being trampled, cuz "Christmas & Easter are already gone." HAH? Rampant consumerism is what Ameri-duh's ABOUT! "Did you know that in Colorado, they can't celebrate Columbus Day because he was an evil European?" Oh no, & my Columbus Day parties were always the height of the social season. We'd all give each other the precious gift of smallpox. If Pat was Fuhrer, we wouldn't celebrate Martin Luther King Day cuz he was an uppity nigger. Like the sheriffs, Pat invoked the Holy Names of Our Forefathers, like Jefferson & Washington would puke if they saw our terrible state of moral decay. By coincidence, a few hours later I came across this site.

When people hear the words "New England," they think of hide-bound Vermont farmers, when "Crazy Liberals" is closer to the truth. We have our share of stupid dirtbags, but those Vermont farmers also voted in a Gay marriage bill (also listed on Pat's ad of things but he & Adolph disapprove of). I noiced a month ago that the only way to tell that a politician was Republican is if his flyers don't use the word Democrat. Generally, "college town" means liberal. Northampton MA is a college town, but off the scale even for us. Highest per capita Lesbian population in America, for 1. KMDS, Jay & I went up there on Sun to see Alloy Orchestra, a 3-piece ensemble that plays live accompaniment to silent films. The film was Nosferatu, & the climax of the Noho Film Festival (yes, Noho is a play on "Soho," which should give you a further clue as to what the town's like). Very entertaining, though kinda annoying that a film festival would have a hack projectionist who could frame the film to fit the screen. It was also shown at the wrong speed, but I assume that that was the band's wish (if you wonder why silent movies always seem to have quick, herky-jerky movements, they weren't filmed that way; it's cuz they're being shown at the wrong speed. Sound films run faster for the sake of the soundtrack). Still, great fun to see an old vampire movie in an lushly baroque 19th century opera house, complete with box balconies.
Kevin(MDS) brought up an old memory that would've been an InExOb if they're'd been a web in those days: a billboard for a Noho clothing boutique was right off the exit. Someone had spraypainted an angry slogan on it that made us both laugh hysterically every time we saw it: WHILE OUR GHETTOS BLEED! Yeahhhh, the mean streets of NORTHAMPTON! Ahhahahaha! OK, you have to know the town to get it, but it was so funny. It was up until the billboard changed, so I guess the boutique thought it was funny, too.

Big Lots is on to me...I didn't get my weekly dose of Jerry Van Dyke until Mon, so I had to retroactively mock him on the Ob yesterday afternoon.

Mon I went to the SalvArmy & found some detritus from that most hideous of decades, the 70s (screw you, you youngsters who lived not under its sliminess! I was there & it was NOT cool! Except for the comical ease with which 1 could buy pot, anyway). 1 is a board game about the Bermuda Triangle. THIS is why I don't believe in all that "paranormal" bullshit. In the 70s, you couldn't escape the dreaded Bermuda Triangle. I mean that in the sense of how it permeated pop culture. Now you never hear of it, but just try to avoid the Grey Alien bullshit. Unexplainable Mysteries are like macrame plant holders or leisure suits; eventually they go out of style, but only to be replaced by the next pile of crap that the gullible will swallow. Someday soon Roswell & "Angels Watch Over Me" will be forgotten, too. Ancient Astronauts, anyone?
I also, Gourd save my soul, bought a McDonalds glass from 77. I hated Ronald even back then, & with a passion that a corporate-clown hater can only have. I had to study it very closely just to figure out what was going on. There's a pond marked "No Swimming Filet O' Fish Lake (R)," but Ronald appears to either be jumping in it, or shitting out a Gobbelin (these puppet dust bunnies I think are now called "The Fry Kids" or something). Why, no, he's playing leapforg! A hideous filet-o-fish swims in the lake, a pop-eyed sammich with fins & a tail. My question from those days was: Does the cooking staff at McD's include a guy whose job is ripping the Muppetlike eyeballs off the cute lil foodie-foods before they pack in it the Happy Meal?

Today, after voting (& somehow ending up with the "I Voted Today" sticker stuck in my ponytail), I went to Gay City State Park. My last visit was brief; there's a central pond & its inhabitant bug life decided to eat my face. I was wearing bug repellent, which caused the insects to not crawl on my head. Just land on it, jump off, & land on it again 200 times in a row.
That didn't happen today, not in Nov. It's supposed to be in the low 40s at this time of year, but it's been in the mid 50s or 60s since Sept. Maybe there is something to be said for global warming! I prefer Wolf Den State Park, but I went there a coupla weeks ago & inches-deep layers of leaves & 70-degree grades of rocks don't mix, unless falling 50 feet into a boulder sounds like fun. In comparison, Gay City's trails are really...Boy, that would be an easy joke, huh? Well, they're easy enough that, while I'd be alone in Wolf Den, here I had to share the bucolic splendor with yuppie mountain bikers & their big dumb smelly dogs. HA HA HA! Dogz r dum!!! sez KK! They'd closed off the road to the main parking lot, I guess so that they wouldn't have to plow in the winter. This actually worked to my advantage, as I saw parts of the park I'd missed before. Such as the "Youth Camping Ground," which turned out to be a tiny corner with 10 picnic tables & a sign that read "NO PICNICKING." Uh, OK, sure. Just camp out under a table, youths.
I also found something 1 doesn't see frequently in a park: A 6-plot graveyard. Newest stone was from 1836. Most notable was Matilda Henery's from 1808. She died "Aged 7 Years." The message on the tombstone read [sic]:

    "Com Pretty Youth, Behold And See
    The Place Whare You Must Shortly Be"
Well...That must've eased the grieving process. I realize that this was a time when you had 10 kids, since 8 wouldn't live to adulthood, but this is just like putting "...AND YOU'RE NEXT!!" on the stone. While you're at it, tell the younger sibs that their departed older sister's coming back to kill them.

What they never seem to point out is that while Bush & Gore are statistically tied in the popular vote, it's not the popular vote that gets you elected. I'm really hoping is that Bush wins the pop vote, but Gore gets the Presidency by winning the Electoral College vote. THAT might make Joe & Jane Retarded American realize the system is fucked!
Or, like Watergate, just make them more cynical & complacent in front of their Happy Mind Distractor Tubes. Who Wants To Lose a Million Brain Cells?

>New26 debuts when I get around to it.